Burmese Python Imports Now Banned in U.S.; No More Snakes On These Motherf**in' Planes

Categories: News
A python exploded after trying to eat an alligator in 2006

​​Ken Salazar, our cowboy hat-wearing Secretary of the Interior, is expected to announce a ban on importing Burmese pythons today while visiting the Everglades.

"The Burmese python has already gained a foothold in the Florida Everglades, and we must do all we can to battle its spread and to prevent further human contributions of invasive snakes that cause economic and environmental damage," Salazar said in a press release.

The ban is good news for just about everyone -- farmers, old ladies, and alligators -- except for Samuel L. Jackson, whose chances of making a "Snakes On A Plane" sequel took a big hit.

The ban wouldn't criminalize owning one of the monstrous pets, but it would outlaw importing them or transporting them across state lines.

The invasive species has been known to eat endangered wood rats in the Keys, consume whole deer in the Everglades, and -- most famously -- explode after eating alligators.

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Sir Sausage
Sir Sausage

Now allow year round hunting of the species in question and perhaps a bounty program.

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