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Strippers Skrawberry and Tip Drill Analyze the Florida Republican Primary

Categories: Flotsam, Politicks
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Early morning yesterday, Miami super-strippers Skrawberry (left) and Tip Drill vaulted to the top of the political punditry heap when they crashed a South Beach filming of Morning Joe. With the Florida primary vote going down today, we caught up with these acrobatic pole-dancing Howard Zinns for their take on the action.

Before we get started, we incorrectly stated in the previous story that both girls work at King of Diamonds. Tip Drill does, but Skrawberry dances at G5ive. "I can't go in King of Diamonds," says Skrawberry. Why? "Because my life is interesting."

Oh, also worth mentioning: They're looking for a reality television deal.

New Times: Before we get into politics, what exactly is a "Skrawberry"?
Skrawberry: The way I started stripping was I used to just go to a club and get naked. But my real name is Jennifer, and I knew I couldn't use that. "Skrawberry" was kind of a joke at first. You know urban people-- ignorant urban people-- say "skraw" instead of straw. But then it just stuck: "Skrawberry".

[Tip Drill enters line.]

Skrawberry: He was just asking me how I got the name Skrawberry.

Tip Drill: Did you tell him?

Skrawberry: Yeah, going into clubs and taking my clothes off.

What do you guys think of Rick Santorum?

[A second of silence, and then extended laughter.]

Skrawberry: We think Obama should win.

Tip Drill: I'm going to look that guy up though. What'd you say his name was?

Santorum.

[We then spelled out the name as Tip Drill took it down, almost certainly ensuring that once she Googles it she will never speak to us again.]

You're both probably in pretty high tax brackets...

Skrawberry: That's why nobody likes us. We're like Mary Kate and Ashley. But without the drugs.

And naked all the time?

Skrawberry: Mary Kate and Ashley get naked.

True. So as members of a high tax bracket, what do you think about being asked to share the wealth?

Skrawberry: We're strippers. We believe in cash. We only pay taxes on clothes and condoms, and food. We don't pay taxes. [Eds. note: They were probably joking, IRS.]

What governmental policies do you care about?

Skrawberry: I want you to be able to get jobs if you're a convicted felon. You can't make any money if you have a prior felony. Convicted felons can't vote. I don't think that's fucking right. And the price of everything is going up. Inflation, you know-- living expenses is going through the roof. They're building a casino downtown. They're going to make the cost of living go up. Make sure everybody's eating before you build a fucking casino downtown.

Tip Drill, what are you passionate about?

Tip Drill: I just want to see the middle-class people do good.

Skrawberry: We also need health care. We can't pay no doctor bills.

Do you guys receive medical benefits?

Skrawberry: Nope. We do everything cash... And teachers need to get paid more. They ain't paying teachers well, so teachers don't care and they ain't teaching right. I mean, football players get paid more than teachers.

You get paid more than teachers.

I get paid more than most doctors too.


We then sent Skrawberry photos of each of the remaining Republican candidates. "They look like a bunch of sneaky old perverts!" she wrote back.

Here are her text messaged impressions of each of them:

Rick Santorum looks like he cheat and beat on his wife he looks as if he up to no good

Newt Gingrish look like a hackler. He looks like he get on people's nerves just for the fuck of it. If he had any power his theme would be "off with their heads"

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Mitt Romney looks like he'd be better of staring in a movie as a presidential candidate and lose... then get mad and try to destroy the winner

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Ron Paul is too damn OLD!!!! He probably got grandkids running against him. Ron Paul is too damn old and probably take too many pills for his heart and blood pressure!!! He's like 93 years old

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