Mugshots Friday: Theater Pearls, a Couple of Cautionary Tales, and a Dude That Will Beat You With a Phone

​Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

​Arrested: 1/28
Charged with: Burglary of an unoccupied conveyance, use of false name/ID after arrest
Well isn't this a wonderful touch of class. Maybe this will be the Downton Abbey edition of Mugshots Friday.

​ Arrested: 1/27
Charged with: Grand theft, eluding police in a high speed chase causing injury or death, resisting an officer, reckless driving
This is why we don't leave the house. The moment you step out into society, there's a 1.4-percent chance that your day is going to end with you looking like this. Much less risky to subsist on frozen pizza and spoonfuls of peanut butter while watching some PBS show that you're going to reference in a blog the next morning.

​Arrested: 1/30
Charged with: Burglary, criminal mischief, resisting officer without violence.
Also, never have children because they grow up to be teenagers.