Dear Ron Paul, You Can Stop Existing Now (In Politics)

Categories: Politicks
ronpaulstinkface.jpg
Note: We don't want Ron Paul to stop existing from this earthly plane, Paul-heads. We want him to stop existing in politics, in the Herman Cain way.

Click here to read our favorite comments left on this blog.

Ron Paul, the frantic and slightly unnerving uncle at Thanksgiving dinner who won't shut up with his opinions, finally got stabbed with a tuning fork yesterday.

He "won" 7 percent of Florida in the GOP primary, which is essentially a margin of error. Paul will say his scrappy campaign couldn't afford to compete in Florida, which is why he spent the primary day in Colorado and Nevada. But we wish he would take the hint, drop the hell out of the race, and also not bother us in 2016 or 2020, when his phony renegade act will be even more bizarre because he'll be 87 years old. Here's why kicking Ron Paul in the ass was one of the smartest things Florida Republicans have ever done.

3. He's a closet neo-con right-winger.
People seem to think Paul is a moderate. Maybe it has something to do with the disorienting effect of his eyebrows. He's an abortion-criminalizing, anchor-baby-targetin', drill-baby-drill EPA-demolishing freak. The man has denied evolution and called climate change a hoax. By the numbers, Paul is far to the right of even Hyper-Conservative Booty Juice King Rick Santorum.

(Update: The Paul-heads currently making sweet reLoVEution to this comments section are clamoring for us to rescind our claim that he is a "neo-con." You are correct. "Right-winger" is what we were going for here.)
 

2. His campaign sure is uninspiring.
Remember when all we would hear from Ron Paul's camp was that he was being ignored by the evil lame-stream media? Then in the chaos of this GOP field, he got his second at the top of the heap. And immediately news broke about his scary-ass racist newsletter. (Don't worry, he had that stuff written only to goose sales.) Notice you don't hear his supporters complaining about a lack of attention anymore. Paul's strategy at debates seems to be stammer and flap about like a dying turkey. And about forfeiting states because you don't have the funds to compete, Ron Paul: All we ever hear about is this fervent base of loyal supporters, so... where's the money, Lebowski? Oh, that's right, none of them can contribute to your campaign because they're saving up for Tool tickets. Which reminds us...

1. His supporters are delusional.
Ron Paul supporters seem to think this guy is some counterculture icon, which is a very sad hoodwinking of some naive fellas who might otherwise be spending their energy writing electric-guitar love ballads to that chick in their Econ class. Paul-heads: You are nothing more than young Republicans. Do you think Newt Gingrich's middle-aged supporters were so openly soulless in their 20s and 30s that they would support somebody like the Newt? No, they probably rallied behind somebody just like Ron Paul -- a conservative stiff pretending to be a revolutionary. Skip these awkward growing pains, don your hair helmet, and become a proud poor-people-hatin', tax-hoarding, giant-television-ownin' Republican.

Also, those bumper stickers are plain awful. "ReLOVEution"? One: How do you pronounce that? Two: The last thing any sane voter in either party wants is to be loved by that creepy coot. I'm picturing him hugging me with his clingy grasp, and he's drooling on my shoulder and his sandpapery man hands are rubbing my neck. It's very disturbing.

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322 comments
Karen M.
Karen M.

To Paul supporter commenters below: It really frightens me as to how brainwashed and fact lacking you truly are. The Paul campaign propaganda is apparently as fair and biased as FOX News! I thought most of you were young college students. Please further your education.

Eric E
Eric E

Who wrote this, a 5th grader?

Eric E
Eric E

Who wrote this? a 5th grader?

CK
CK

If ANYONE is brainwashed or delusional it's you. People like you are ruining this country.

Fortimule
Fortimule

Your nothing more than a hater, a troll (a wanna be) and it shines clearer that your terrified that he can win, that your so delusion and corrupt yourself from out cruel system that our government revolves around. You think we should keep being complacent, and be ignorant. That hasn't gotten us anywhere except on the verge of being bankrupt to the point of collapse, and a destruction and fall of our great country. As Thomas Jefferson once said, "in order for a healthy country to exist it must have a revolution or change in structure in order to prosper and co-exist.1776. Go open a history book and learn from our past mistakes and go forward with wisdom and persistence and we all can come together to make a difference. Go Ron paul, and forget the haters they just have to down other people to make themselves feel better, how sad and nieve lololol.

Nathan
Nathan

SHUT UP MIMZY!!!

Nathan
Nathan

SHUT UP MIMZY!!!

navyjet
navyjet

I just cancelled my subscription to The MiamiNew Times

J. R
J. R

This is just self-parody, really

SO SOUR
SO SOUR

What an ignorant and asinine article. You suck.

adplatt126
adplatt126

Gus doesn't think, therefore he already isn't.-Descartes

adplatt126
adplatt126

Dear Gus "Pamela Lee Anderson Lee" Garcia-Roberts-Garcia... you can stop existing now.

Barack O'Romney 2012!

adplatt126
adplatt126

There is but one reasonable online response to this piece of "journalism": LOL.

Teryan4619
Teryan4619

the person who wrote this is a real dip-shit who knows nothing about libetarianism or ron paul's platform. i can safely make this assumption after reading this unintelligible chicken scratch of a gossip column.

Ammyth
Ammyth

This article, and especially its accompanying piece on their "favorite comments left on this blog" clearly demonstrate the snarky, low-brow nature of Garcia-Roberts' "reporting".  He should probably stick to articles on no-name record producers and leave the important stuff to his more knowledgeable and talented peers.  Oh wait...those people aren't working for free weeklies that probably get used to line the litter boxes of Miami area cats.  In that case, keep it up, good sir!

Buttfox
Buttfox

lol at all the raging paulites. Pron Haul and his milita of backwoods weirdos are the only entertaining things about this election.Also a big shoutout to Ron's shitlord son Rand.

saywhaaaa
saywhaaaa

Is that you Gus?

Anyway - you're a buttfox.

That is all.

Derek Fitzpatrick
Derek Fitzpatrick

Should I actually argue this with reason? I don't think he wants to.

Let me stoop to his level.

Dear Gus Garcia-Roberts,You're stupid!!!@1eleventySincerely,A dillusional PaulBotSee, I summed up his article in two words. Beat that!

saywhaaaa
saywhaaaa

Wow. Where do you guys get your writers from?

14 year olds trolling 4chan?

Loweryl
Loweryl

This story makes me sick. I couldn't even stomach reading it. I can't understand why people don't love Ron Paul. He is the only honest politician running. At least you know where he stands. He doesn't promise things he can't provide so idiots vote for him like the other guys running. I wish people would wake up to see what is really going on.

Dawn Blush
Dawn Blush

What is happening in this country when the media starts attacking the public?Gus, you should be ashamed to have written this.You think it's acceptable to insult voters? You consider this news?

diest2602
diest2602

Yes, lets get rid of the only politician actually trying to change anything and scale back the out of control size of the government. The author apparently thinks everything is fine in D.C. 

Hillbillyshiznit
Hillbillyshiznit

This is the worst article I have ever read in my life. I honestly think a 2nd grader could have wrote a more valid article than you.

eric edney
eric edney

hahahahaha gus garcia-roberts........ sooooo sad and weak...

Atmcfall
Atmcfall

Hey Gus, your blind hate is showing. This article is disgraceful. Why don't you write something with some substance? All these platitudes only expose you as the pseudo-intellectual that you are. GO HOME AND THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE.

Sincerely,An informed, well-read, hard-working, tax-paying, young American.

Tonto
Tonto

I'm a Romney supporter, and as much as I like the media disparaging other candidates I have to say that this reporter is undeniably an idiot.

You make the analogy that RP is like the 'unnerving uncle at Thanksgiving dinner who won't shut up with his opinions', however your own irritating and distastefully opinions of the Congressman suggest that you'd be the one at dinner everyone is hoping they are sitting well away from.

Enjoy your 5 minutes of notoriety for your (intentional?) wind-up piece, however you should look into writing something with a bit more integrity, not something that gets slurred laughs from drunk sports fans...... everyone can aim for the lowest common denominator however most decent people choose not to.

RealChange2012
RealChange2012

what a terribly written article.... wow.. just wow.

Errked
Errked

Miami New Times? Gus? who the hell is this? about as cool as a drafty toilet.

Zjaworski88
Zjaworski88

I agree with the author.. What this country needs right now, more than anything..is more of the same.. How will this country maintain its supremacy if it doesnt slaughter another million people in the middle east..  How will our Middle Class ever recover if we don't continue to support large banks and investment firms over small businesses.  How will our currency ever regain its superiority if we dont continue to print more of it!? 

Romney or Obama...I'll vote for either..Because like the author, I KNOW that what we need right now is business as usual. 

Oh and Gus....GFYS

Johnny Poopoopants
Johnny Poopoopants

Damn these comments are hilarious. Don't let them get you down Gus, this article rules.

Sarfraz Mirza
Sarfraz Mirza

Aww.  Another second rate opinionated journalist desperate for better exposure.

Randolphcarter2012
Randolphcarter2012

3) Yes, Ron Paul is a true conservative. 2) Romney and Obama have bank money to burn, Paul gets his from every day Americans.  And that's a negative?  He's doing respectably on the money front despite this.  1) What's sad is that you can't see it; government is not the solution and that idea is having a much needed resurgence in America thanks to Ron Paul.

Donna Stevens
Donna Stevens

Ron Paul has been linked to Neo Nazi Jamie Kelso via emails, conference calls and pictures.Plenty of videos on youtube feat. Kelso at Ron Paul events.

Heeze Worthy
Heeze Worthy

Stop hating you loser stop reporting non sense and report some truth like our Military supports Ron Paul the most out of all the other candidates. Your also insulting our service men and women as well when you insult Dr. Ron Paul, get your mind right Gus. Ron Paul 2012!! Freedom is Popular!!

Mattslawski
Mattslawski

This is the most illogical bias crap I have ever read.

Slakjda
Slakjda

congrats, you put ron paul in the title of your article and instantly got hits.

now if you only had any journalistic integrity or vision...

sam
sam

Wow...& I thought journalists were bad in Minnesota! This guy needs to pull his head out of his *ss!

Tblck
Tblck

Ok so THIS is what radical denial looks like. This is the most subjective unconscise piece of journalism I've ever read.  It's just bad. It's too subjective.  If the author were to at least provide solidifying contentions for his argument to back his feelings, then it would have been more damaging (if that's possible).  But this author is drunk on the wine of belittlement. 

Some journalists, like this guy,  get no praise in journalism because they capitalize on suface-level smear tactics, based on the assumption that political correctness is what constitutes a good portfolio.  A good journalist would show some kind of restraint in tone. A good journalist would also present facts to state what he sees.  A good journalist does his or her best to state the truth, nothing more, nothing less.

Come on Gus, give us some rocks of truth to step on as we can cross your river of shitty attitude. 

Facts like these:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/...

Thanks for reading

James Faraca
James Faraca

Obviously this article was written by a troll ;)

Henry Clay DuQuesnay
Henry Clay DuQuesnay

2 words: Hatchet-Piece. 

This is the type of article that you would expect from a 5th grader.

Mikegotsguns2
Mikegotsguns2

Hey bro nice try, try again but harder next time

Andrew
Andrew

Seriously, someone is trying to troll up his pageviews...

There's ample room for Opnion pieces in politics. That said, when you preface your blog with a disrespectful assertion meant to immediatly discredit your subject, you immediatly lose all Journalistic integrity. Readers dont even need to read the rest to know its garbage. Miami-new-times needs to hire some new staff..

Flip Obamney
Flip Obamney

Dear Miaminewtimes.com Please stop existing.  Yes, I mean from this earthly plane.  You're nothing but a bunch of useful idiots.

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