The Ten Worst Bills On Their Way to Rick Scott's Desk This Year

Categories: Politicks
Departing Senate majority leader Mike Haridopolis has done one hellish job
Today is one of our least favorite times of the year: the final day of the Florida legislative session. It's like the dying moments of a drunken high school party, when everyone makes hasty, poor decisions that they will come to regret. So, how have our duly elected representatives spent the past five weeks? Passing crap they probably shouldn't have, like bills allowing handless bike riding and legalizing rabbit dye-ing while as usual ignoring the real problems afflicting the Sunshine State.

Here are the ten worst bills on their way to Rick Scott's desk:

10. Pastel Pets
For years, the only pink and yellow bunnies to be found in Florida were marshmallow peeps. Now, however, the Sunshine State is re-asserting its mastery over those poor, fluffy, little bastards. An amendment to a bill on honeybees will allow pet owners to die their animal companions whatever color they want. "We neuter dogs without their permission. I've never asked my poodle if he wanted a hair cut," Sen. Ellyn Bogdanoff said.

9. No More Handcuffing Pregnant Inmates During Childbirth
Legislation passed by both houses would bar female inmates from being restrained during childbirth. Sounds great, but state correctional facilities say that they never do this. Of course, this being Florida, jailers can still 'cuff their pregnant prisoners if they deem them a "security risk."

rick scott_pot (1).jpg
If you work for the state of Florida, Rick Scott wants to screen your pee
8. Drugs Are Bad, Mmmkay
After refusing to pee in a cup for the Daily Show, Rick Scott is still all for drug testing his state employees. Bills in both the House and Senate allowing state agencies to screen their workers every three months still have an outside chance at passing.

7.Fast Tracking Deep Dredges
For a state as reliant on environmental tourism as ours, you'd think that more thought -- not less -- would be put into whether or not to deep dredge Florida's ports. But an amendment snuck into a stormwater management bill mandates that judges have only 30 days to weigh the merits of such momentous projects.

6. Teaching 9/11
For ten years, politicians have been telling us to "never forget 9/11." Now we have no choice. Florida Senate bill 1422 requires teachers to instruct their students about the terrorist attacks. An amendment to also require high schoolers to learn about the Civil Rights movement did not pass because, apparently, that would be Big Brother-ish.

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That's what you get when you have Republicans in the majority and the worst Governor in history.


I like the high school free agency thing. Down with socialism in sports!

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