Toilets, Hand Guns and Mugshots: Ten Places the City of Miami Should Sell Advertising

By Michael Miller Fri., Apr. 27 2012 at 8:00 AM

God bless you, City Hall. Just when we begin to think that you are completely irrelevant, you burst back into our lives with a controversial proposal to plaster Miami with more gaudy logos and revenue-generating ads than a Mexican soccer jersey. Miami city commissioners voted down the crazy measure last night that would have let the city sell advertising space on parking meters, trees, lamp posts, public buildings, fences, highway pillars, and even fire hydrants (which should make walking the dog a little more fun).

But they also vowed to bring the measure back with more restrictions. Why not do the opposite, though? In this cash strapped town, they should be looking for every revenue stream they can sell -- starting with themselves.

10. City Officials
If city officials are so eager to find new spots for advertising, they should start with themselves. Throw a sandwich board on that city commissioner! Slap an auto parts sticker on that spokesman! Maybe we could paint letters on them so that when they line-up during press conferences, they spell out Miami's newest corporate sponsor.

We can dye dogs in Florida now, after all.

<9. Miami Police Hand Guns
"This controversial police-involved shooting was brought to you by Jell-O Pudding Pops."

8. K-9 Dogs
OK. Maybe putting ads on people was a bit too much. But we're really wasting space by not covering the city's canine cops in advertisements for hemorrhoid cream or dick pills. After all, animals have no shame... just like our elected officials, apparently.

7. Parking Tickets
The bad news: you just got a $28 ticket for parking several inches over the yellow curb line. The good news: TLC is playing a reunion tour in Miami next month, and hologram Left Eye will be there!

NYC graffiti artist Earsnot used to offer bums a few bucks to get tagged

6. Homeless People
Homeless people have been used as Wi-Fi hotspots at SXSW and blank canvases by graffiti artists in New York, so why not walking billboards downtown? It's better than our current policy of ignoring them until they ask for change, then arresting them.

Tags:

City of Miami, Miami Police Department, Tomas Regalado

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painted auto parts

I guess you have created a few really fascinating points. Not as well many others would really think about this the way you just did. I am really impressed that there is so much about this subject that has been revealed and you did it so nicely, with so considerably class. Brilliant one, man! Truly wonderful things right here.

Tired old dude

What's up with this corrupt Regalado dude?

Who protects residents?

Tomas Regalado and the dumb as rocks commissioners grovel to any billboard company handing out money and lies. Not pretty. Unfortunately, no one is protecting the residents from the corrupt decisions of these short sighted elected officials.

Bribed by Clear Channel

The commissioners should just plaster bumper stickers on their foreheads. "Bribed by Clear Channel".

Bribes much?

Trashy ads? Why doesn't the City try to make the City look better instead of allowing illegal billboards?

Idiots

Miami is broke because there are too many overpaid employees. Miami has fire department employees who sit at desks making $325,000 per year. Lowly assistants make $70,000. The part-time commissioners get $200,000 per year with perks. Miami-Dade County should take over.

Juiceman

Name them all. Where's the proof?

Liar Liar

Miami commish Sarnoff was caught several years in a huge lie. Sarnoff claimed his grandfather was the founder of RCA. Big mistake. Big lie. Miami New Times reporter checked with the real Sarnoff's and busted the liar Sarnoff. Dude should stick a I LOVE CLEAR CHANNEL sticker on his forehead.

Corruption

Imagine. The City of Miami Mayor Tomas Regalado, a Cuban, and Commissioner Marc Sarnoff, a lawyer, are behind the push to cover everything in tacky ads. Surprise, surprise. Both have accepted large amounts of money from the billboard companies.