Manny Ramirez's Comeback Begins; Celebrate By Marveling at His Weird Official Website

Categories: Sports
mannyscreenshot.jpg

Supremely bizarre baseball slugger-- and South Florida resident-- Manny Ramirez has had a long road back to the game. He abruptly retired from the Tampa Bay Rays in 2011 after testing positive for performance-enhancing drugs. He was arrested for allegedly battering his wife in their Weston home.

Then he decided to try to make it back to the bigs, did aqua aerobics with abuelitas at a local pool, and got signed by the Oakland Athletics.

He's joining the A's minor league team on Friday, and the major league squad on May 30-- upon the completion of his suspension.

Manny's back! And his dusty official website is a nice refresher course on how weird he is. Let's take a look-see, shall we?

It's all gold, from the hugely dramatic Dodgers-centric intro-- Manny last played for them in 2010-- to the photos of his French bulldog Rocky Ramirez to the video game where you shoot baseballs at aliens under a "Mannywood" sign, which is like having a telescope into Manny's brain. He even sells "Mannywood" t-shirts for $14.95 to $19.95.

But our favorite part of the site is Manny's "Frequently Asked Questions".

He starts out relatively normal, even if he doesn't stick to the question format:

Favorite Foods = Sushi & Latin Food

Favorite Movie = Matrix

He reveals a Japanese fetish:

What is your favorite Cartoon? Anything Japanese Anime! I have over 200 DVD's of Anime.

What do you want to do after baseball? I want to travel to Europe and I'd like to live in Japan.

And he gets angry when the mystery questioner keeps baiting him with offensive food questions:

Do you have a sweet tooth? No!

Do you need your coffee in the morning? I do not like Coffee

Our question: Can these really be the questions Manny is so sick of hearing that he had to put them on his website? If we had a chance to hurl a few queries at Manny-- believe us, we've tried-- we'd probably start with the juicing stuff, and ask him about his illogical retirement that forced him to now serve his suspension, and whether he was not actually peeing in the Green Monster, but smoking a joint in there as a friend of mine always suggests.

Then we would ask Manny if he loves old cars.

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JerkfaceMcGee
JerkfaceMcGee

How fucked up is your adult life when 'what's your favorite cartoon' is a question people frequently ask you?

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