Memorial Day Weekend On Miami Beach Is a Gangsta's Paradise

Categories: Luke's Gospel
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Alex Izaguirre
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. In this special edition of his column, Luke explains the new security measures for Memorial Day Weekend on Miami Beach.

This is a public service announcement to all the African American visitors coming to Miami Beach for Memorial Day weekend. There are a few things you need to know when you cross over the causeways to party in the city that doesn't really want you there, but wants to take your money. Here are the new rules you will have to abide by unless you want your black ass to end up in Dade County Jail:

  • You cannot walk the streets with an open container of booze. Typically, the city doesn't enforce public drinking laws, but we all know you black people can't handle your liquor. Dozens of police officers from multiple agencies will be enforcing a "zero tolerance" policy up and down Fifth Street, Ocean Drive and Collins and Washington avenues, so watch your back.
  • Don't even think about coming to South Beach if you are faded, have an expired tag or a suspended driver's license, an outstanding bench warrant, or owe your baby momma child support. In addition to DUI checkpoints on the MacArthur Causeway on Friday and Saturday, the cops are also going to use license plate scanners to track just about every car coming from the mainland to snatch your ass.
  • Forget about using the Venetian Causeway to dodge the police because it's off limits to black people who don't live on Miami Beach.
  • Racial profiling is in full effect.
  • Price gouging is legal. So don't complain when the valet charges you $100 to take your car, the nightclubs charge you $50 to get in and $1,000 for a bottle and a table, and the hotels make you pay $1,000 per night.
All these rules will be thrown out the window and everything will go back to normal once all the African-Americans have left Miami Beach on Monday. But, for those of you who haven't booked a room yet, you are better off partying in Miami, Fort Lauderdale or the Hard Rock Casino in Hollywood. Save yourself the hassle of going to Miami Beach and having your civil rights violated.

These measures are just a dog and pony show by the city's government to make the residents think they are doing something to crack down on the partying that goes on during Memorial Day Weekend. See, the city refuses to take ownership of Memorial Day Weekend with an organized event like the Essence Festival in New Orleans where you have a mix of hip-hop, R&B, and jazz. But the hotel and the nightclub owners don't want that because they need the reckless thugs who spend money without blinking and ruin it for the law-abiding visitors.

The city of Miami Beach wants to create a gangsta's paradise.

Follow Luke on Twitter @unclelukereal1.

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100 comments
wavedouttaty
wavedouttaty

IM A black female that just turned 21 i never been out of new york and this is so offensive to see people saying were animals its just stupid immature young guys who dont ho how to act and its a whole lot of dumb white guys as well .. my point is none of this going to stop me from going to south beach for my first time and im just going to have to bring a extra 1000 then i thought thanx anyways

Gmail
Gmail

Liberty City, Opa Locka ,Overtown, Little Haiti are all ideal locations for Urban Music Fest  imagine all the brotherly love .We could have Jessie Jackson ,Al Sharpton,  Trayvon's parents ,Miami Zombie's parents and Rodney King .Inflatable swimming pools ,Cough Syrup , Fried Chicken   and Watermelon eating competition just imagine 2013 Memorial Day Weekend Luther Campbell could have his wife (me so horny me love you long time)  stripping .Rick Ross chef for BBQ .Dj Khaled could be in charge of sanitation portable pottys. I had a dream.. C'mon miami lets makes this happen !!

Ihadadream2013
Ihadadream2013

Liberty City, Opa Locka ,Overtown, Little Haiti are all ideal locations for Urban Music Fest  imagine all the brotherly love .We could have Jessie Jackson ,Al Sharpton,  Trayvon's parents ,Miami Zombie's parents and Rodney King .Inflatable swimming pools ,Cough Syrup , Fried Chicken   and Watermelon eating competition just imagine 2013 Memorial Day Weekend Luther Campbell could have his wife (me so horny me love you long time)  stripping .Rick Ross chef for BBQ .Dj Khaled could be in charge of sanitation portable pottys. I had a dream.. C'mon miami lets makes this happen !!

Schannel978
Schannel978

Well I live on Ocean south of 5th. From my balcony I got to watch first hand all the people yelling nigga this and nigga that. I saw someone kick a beer can against a car, and someone else throw and smash a glass bottle on the sidewalk. Don't act like animal's and you won't get treated like animals!

Stiletto5150
Stiletto5150

anything that comes to u people is your own fault..u are the fuck ups.if you werent suck fuck ups it wouldnt be this way. actually you people arent wanted ANYWHERE!!!!!!

Eazy Erik
Eazy Erik

In legal terms, price gouging refers to the pricing of goods or commodities much higher than is considered reasonable or fair DURING CIVIL EMERGENCIES. MDW at South Beach is not a civil emergency, so if someone wants to charge $1,000 for a bottle of Remy at a club, so be it. Vendors at Ultra charge $5-$10 for a small bottle of water. It is what it is. I think most people can agree that the only COLOR of significance HERE is GREEN. Luke, you mean to tell me clubs you performed in didn't charge a higher price for admission and drinks when you performed as compared to usual? Supply-demand, simple economics.  

As for the license plate scanners, that's a bit Orwellian. The ACLU should file a lawsuit to help develop rules for license plate scanners just as rules were developed for roadblocks and DUI checkpoints. 

Generally speaking, it appears the increased security measures have worked out so far this year, which is a positive considering most out-of-towners who visit on MDW, mostly black people, are NOT here to commit crimes or become the victims of crimes. Luke, you should be thanking MBPD for finally taking the security of your people seriously this year.

Helgalian
Helgalian

I do not agree with Luke. When 99.9% of the people who come to South Beach to use Memorial Day to party are black and their party is not about Memorial Day but about their color, they are obviously colorists. 

USMC247
USMC247

As a resident of South Beach for ten years, I must say that these 'Urban Weekends' have progressively gotten worse for all parties involved (Blacks, Whites, residents, cops, tourists, politicians, etc). I basically had 'board up my apartment' and escape to Central Florida to get some good, wholesome, Memorial Day Weekend family fun. REMEMBER people, we're supposed to be honoring our fallen veterans, not shooting each other. So, just like Daytona did away with 'Black College Reunion' (which brought nothing but trouble to the community), we need to get rid of this 'Urban Weekend' once and for all. In the end, it'll benefit everyone.

takingbackmiami.org
takingbackmiami.org

what can we do to send the message to Latin Americans that we don't want them either?

Stiletto5150
Stiletto5150

hell yeah bro. stinking meticans, pooto rikns.allof them need to leave america. you people arent wanted ANYWHERE !!!!

Ryan Kaltz
Ryan Kaltz

To the author go fuck yourself many of us non racist citizens of Miami beach don't want the gangstas to bother with our peaceful town. They trash it because they don't call it home they kill because they think its cool. Blacks whites Latin Asian are all the same inside. But anytime large groups of people gather there are problems. So I indeed support the laws, that white black Latin and Asian are expected to uphold over this weekend so everyone can go home safe and that residents don't feel the need to flee from the place many of us call home. So thankyou goes out to all of the officials protecting our little place we call home. And to all you haters out there stay home we don't want you...

Jaw Silent13
Jaw Silent13

This is so sad but tru. Almost everyone from mia beach go down to the keys and senseable blacks go to fortlaurdale. If the cops were doing there jobs from the start this would not ne happening now.

Peveroz
Peveroz

Each year, roughly 7,000 blacks are murdered. Ninety-four percent of the time, the murderer is another black person. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, between 1976 and 2011, there were 279,384 black murder victims. Using the 94 percent figure means that 262,621 were murdered by other blacks. Though blacks are 13 percent of the nation's population, they account for more than 50 percent of homicide victims. Nationally, black homicide victimization rate is six times that of whites, and in some cities, it's 22 times that of whites. Coupled with being most of the nation's homicide victims, blacks are most of the victims of violent personal crimes, such as assault and robbery.The magnitude of this tragic mayhem can be viewed in another light. According to a Tuskegee Institute study, between the years 1882 and 1968, 3,446 blacks were lynched at the hands of whites. Black fatalities during the Korean War (3,075), Vietnam War (7,243) and all wars since 1980 (8,197) come to 18,515, a number that pales in comparison with black loss of life at home. It's a tragic commentary to be able to say that young black males have a greater chance of reaching maturity on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan than on the streets of Philadelphia, Chicago, Detroit, Oakland, Newark and other cities.A much larger issue is how might we interpret the deafening silence about the day-to-day murder in black communities compared with the national uproar over the killing of Trayvon Martin. Such a response by politicians, civil rights organizations and the mainstream news media could easily be interpreted as "blacks killing other blacks is of little concern, but it's unacceptable for a white to kill a black person."There are a few civil rights leaders with a different vision. When President Barack Obama commented about the Trayvon Martin case, T. Willard Fair, president of the Urban League of Greater Miami, told The Daily Caller that "the outrage should be about us killing each other, about black-on-black crime." He asked rhetorically, "Wouldn't you think to have 41 people shot (in Chicago) between Friday morning and Monday morning would be much more newsworthy and deserve much more outrage?" Former NAACP leader Pastor C.L. Bryant said the rallies organized by Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson suggest there is an epidemic of "white men killing black young men," adding: "The epidemic is truly black-on-black crime. The greatest danger to the lives of young black men are young black men."Not only is there silence about black-on-black crime; there's silence and concealment about black racist attacks on whites -- for example, the recent attacks on two Virginian-Pilot newspaper reporters set upon and beaten by a mob of young blacks. The story wasn't even covered by their own newspaper. In March, a black mob assaulted, knocked unconscious, disrobed and robbed a white tourist in downtown Baltimore. Black mobs have roamed the streets of Denver, Chicago, Philadelphia, New York, Cleveland, Washington, Los Angeles and other cities, making unprovoked attacks on whites and running off with their belongings.Racist attacks have been against not only whites but also Asians. Such attacks include the San Francisco beating death of an 83-year-old Chinese man, the pushing of a 57-year-old woman off a train platform and the knocking of a 59-year-old Chinese man to the ground, which killed him. For years, Asian school students in New York and Philadelphia have been beaten up by their black classmates and called racist epithets -- for example, "Hey, Chinese!" and "Yo, dragon ball!" But that kind of bullying, unlike the bullying of homosexuals, goes unreported and unpunished.Racial demagoguery from the president on down is not in our nation's best interests, plus it's dangerous. As my colleague Thomas Sowell recently put it, "if there is anything worse than a one-sided race war, it is a two-sided race war, especially when one of the races outnumbers the other several times over."Walter E. Williams is a professor of economics at George Mason University.

Sligocreekpark
Sligocreekpark

Wow you gave a lot of information... But you left out the millions of innocent Iraqi and Afghani men women and children  the United States has murdered, bombed and tortured  in the name of imperialism since the so called attack on 9/11.. You white people think African Americans are violent when in fact we cannot compete with the atrocities that white people have inflicted on the world. This is the same type of one sided bable that the so called educated people spout to justify their own racist views. I will admit black on black crime is a bigger problem then white on black in the US  ,, but white people are without a doubt the most barbaric race of people on the planet;  the US has been in a war and killing innocent people for the past couple  decades claiming they are protecting us.. They arent protecting anything but their money by taking brown and black peoples natural resources.The real thugs are running the military industrial complex and the politicans and the reeeaall terrorist are on Wall Street , they destroyed our economy and no one went to jail.So while you're giving those statistics remember there are alot of statisitics you conveniently overlooked.

Peveroz
Peveroz

Each year, roughly 7,000 blacks are murdered. Ninety-four percent of the time, the murderer is another black person. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, between 1976 and 2011, there were 279,384 black murder victims. Using the 94 percent figure means that 262,621 were murdered by other blacks. Though blacks are 13 percent of the nation's population, they account for more than 50 percent of homicide victims. Nationally, black homicide victimization rate is six times that of whites, and in some cities, it's 22 times that of whites. Coupled with being most of the nation's homicide victims, blacks are most of the victims of violent personal crimes, such as assault and robbery.http://www.delmarvanow.com/art...

Upset business owner
Upset business owner

It's not about race!!!! After so many years of danger, damages and violence, that happens only on Memorial Day weekend to the extreme, the city simply gets prepared!!!You don't like it??? Go destroy some other City!!!!!

JoeJohnson
JoeJohnson

The problem in having any sort of civil and realistic discussion about this weekend, especially in a forum like this, is that racism exists and gets brought in regardless.  The racists  as well as those like Uncle Luke saying shit like "Miami Beach doesn't want you here" do absolutely nothing to move us forward and only muddy the waters more.

What nobody wants is the thugs.  It's that simple.  But a reasonable discussion will never be found in the comment thread of a post on this site.  It's just not going to happen.

JoeJohnson
JoeJohnson

Have any of you BEEN on South Beach this year?  It's a different scene altogether.  The thug element, which is the problem for everyone, is not present.  It's almost embarrassing that we're even having a discussion about it, looking at the beach this weekend

JoeJohnson
JoeJohnson

 So who do we thank for that?  We should collectively do that. While we're at it, let's go ahead and recognize that racists (from ANY race) speak with ignorance and do absolutely nothing in terms of helping humanity progress and only hurt society.

Onyx30593
Onyx30593

I have been in miami since 92.. It has changed drastically.. Its like new york with palm trees.. As far as thug weekend.. I think it should be banned.. Period....... Urban is a nicer way of saying ignorant.. My opinion.... Just shut that shit down.... Call it racist or whatever u want.. But this event only harms the reputation of the city.. Think about calle ocho way more people alcohol in the streets.. But under control.. Last year ignorant fest. People who worked on the beach got robbed walking to their cars for their tips.. Smh

la raza zimmerman
la raza zimmerman

move the party to opa locka or carol city! then all the outta town folks could see black miami and la raza gets to stay happy with our south beach the way we want it!

Kkk
Kkk

DAMN NIGGERS RUINING OUR FUCKING MIAMI STREETS!!! LEAVE NIGGERS!!!

Bencoh7
Bencoh7

How many people get shot at during the essence festival in New Orleans ?? and how many shots are fired every year and how many murders are there in south beach every year during memorial day

Nervix2
Nervix2

The real problem is not about people coming for the week end. We enjoy this beautiful city all the year and I accept to stay home and leave the city for 3 days to the tourists. The real problem is the Police. They slow down the traffic with their DUI points, putting barriers anywhere, stopping too many cars, parking a lot of their cars in the middle of the streets ( Last year cops started also a shooting with machine guns in Washington ave. killing a young guy and hurting some of themselves and some other normal people. More: all this problem come only from racism, many people is angry just because many tourists are black people. All that is a shame and the fault is not of the tourist. (Only because in this writing is useful to know it: I'm as white as a glass of milk)

Informed and impartial
Informed and impartial

A machine gun?  Hmm, all of the weaponry for the city police force is well documented-- I've yet to see patrolmen getting access to, let alone given as standard equipment, a machine gun.  You are a lying douche-bag.  Police are not the problem, criminals are.  Without the crime, you don't have the cops. Arresting drunk drivers and wanted fugitives (those with outstanding warrants) is a good thing- and those license plate readers--- they don't know the color of the owner's skin, just the integrity (or lack thereof) of their character.  Moron.

Nina1979
Nina1979

hahaha what a great article all so true

poponhop
poponhop

Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made ...actual literate artists other then himself stand up for the 1st amendment 

WMC ROCKS!
WMC ROCKS!

Luke always plays the devils advocate. It's so easy to blame everyone else EXCEPT the losers who act up. The violence that permeates "Urban Weekend" is terrible. I wouldn't go to South Beach if you paid me! I've been going to Winter Music Confernce in South Beach for 11 years. Never any major issues - and 95% OF EVERYONE is fucking wacked on molly or x!! All I have even seen @ WMC is fun,sun,fun, - oh and more fun. Atlanta dropped the KO on Freaknik. Gee....I wonder why.

Black Panther
Black Panther

yeah because ingesting MDMA is perfectly LEGAL!

Pumpkin
Pumpkin

Perhaps it's a good idea to keep people in check.  The fact of the matter is that Memorial Day weekend is just that...a MEMORIAL...a time to reflect upon our fallen heroes.  It's too bad society takes advantage of the weekend to make money or incorporate unnecessary festivals.  It should be parades celebrating heroes past and present, quiet back yard barbeques, and peaceful time with friends and family.  I thank my veteran and all those out there every day and pray for your fallen brothers. 

Americal69
Americal69

as a kid Memorial Day wasn't even mentioned in the south.  Yankee holiday you know

Spirit Douglass
Spirit Douglass

I have spent 2 yrs in Sobe..last yr was the worst...it is overwhelming and needs to be controlled...i think as ADULTS we should not have to wild out the way we do when celebrating on holidays...the beach is fun..but have RESPECT! and We AMERICANS OF ANY RACE should be able to understand the reason for the city to crack down on us this way. SO BUCK UP CITIZENS and act like you know!! smh can't we have fun w/o all the drama? NO YOUR LIMITS WHEN YOU DRINK..YOUR GROWN UP NOW...and MIAMI..YOU NEED TO CARD AND STOP HIRING NON SPEAKING BARTENDERS AND SERVERS who just say fuk it and order the youths drinks anyway Bcuz they dont understand them or they just dont feel like dealin w/ the attitude..but they still have a job to do, so they need to stop being lazy and do it. ok i'm done...lol..all ya'll be safe this wkend..deuces :)

JoeJohnson
JoeJohnson

"Forget about using the Venetian Causeway to dodge the police because it's off limits to black people who don't live on Miami Beach."

This is so blatantly phrased to add fuel to the fire.  Irresponsible.

Mylife
Mylife

Dont you get it ????? ... Miami Beach doesnt want this . But they cant stop it b/c it would be a BIG racial bullshit of a march with don king n al Sharpton in the front center!... Just pick another location gosh ...49 other states to choose from ..... If i had to bet 2 dead and 600 arrested 200 child support 150 Bench warrants , 100 dui , 50 no insurance/ registration , 100 fighting ...............I bet nikki minaj New álbum !!!

DCbornUSMC
DCbornUSMC

I encourage every visitor to have their smartphones charged, and to document any civil rights violations with video evidence. (save some megabytes for recording the hot female and male bodies though). Obey the law, and have a good time. Remember these two words..."probable cause". If a police officer doesn't have a reason to confront you, don't him/her one.

Rick
Rick

Mr. Campbell, if you plan to continue write articles, I would strongly suggest you do a little research. It is always best to get your facts correct if ever wish to be taken seriously. Let me help you...1. The truth is the police have always been much more relaxed in enforcing the open container laws, as well as enforcing the disturbing the peace ordinances, lewd behaviour, etc. during the Memorial Day holiday. Their reasoning was that it was best to control the crowds by concentrating on the more violent crimes.2. The city of Miami Beach does not make money. In fact, the city loses money each year due in no small part to the 1.7 million extra needed for additional police and sanitation.3.Also, most of the other businesses lose money this weekend. As locals escape and the visitors tend to not frequent restaurants, many restaurant close down or scale back. That is not to say that some businesses do make money, and lots of it. The clubs especially make major bucks and the pizza and fast food places do their best business of the year. As for the average working stiffs, wait staff, valets, restaurant staff, etc. their shifts are either cut back for the weekend or not needed at all. You are right about one thing though, the city does need to organize city sponsored events that best express the spirit and intent of Memorial Day, which, for those that may have forgotten, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation's service. a South Beach resident of almost twenty years

MBRES
MBRES

We would not need so much police if they didn't act like animals when they come to Miami Beach. Wannabe gangster rappers, I for one will not be sticking around this weekend to witness their antics.

Urban Beach Week Vet
Urban Beach Week Vet

The only thing that bothers me about this article, is the emphasis on Black. The white, Asian, Latin, Indian and any other races that come down for this weekend are to blame. And by blame, I mean the 30% of these groups that are the trouble makers that ruin it for the remaining 70% that truly came down for a good time.

So, please, stop making it appear as if it's a black thing. 

Jabari Jones
Jabari Jones

WHEN WHITE PEOPLE DO IT.. THEY CALL IT 'BURNING MAN'......when black people do it they acall it a roit??????????? FOH......#jealous

Aphoto
Aphoto

When will you ever be able to formulate proper sentences? I can barely understand you, I say barely, because I had the unfortunate chance to be brought up in life around garbage.

Common_lover
Common_lover

You can't be Racial profiling if everybody there is Black...

2muckinFutch
2muckinFutch

Not everybody there is black...complete non sense

luisALICEA
luisALICEA

GO STRAIGHT TO JAIL , DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200.

Cops kill gangsters
Cops kill gangsters

100 bullets. Last year cops fired 100 times at one criminal. 100 shots. They wanted to make sure he got the message. He dead. Yup. To Uncle Luke the pinhead. He dead.

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