Five Things the Miami Heat Can Learn From the Miami Hurricanes

Last night the Oklahoma City Thunder's staff introduced the Miami Heat to the sounds of Star Wars' "Imperial March." They intended it as some sort of cheap swipe. I couldn't help but chuckle. After all, I've been rooting for a team that's incorporated Darth Vader's theme music into their game day traditions for years. The Miami Hurricanes play cinema's evilest leitmotif every time their defense makes a third down stop, and those Miami Hurricanes have won not one, not two, not three, not four, but five championships.

Perhaps the Miami Heat of today might have a thing or two to learn from the great Hurricanes teams of yesteryear.

Nothing in sports may ever match the sheer insanity of the Hurricanes of the '80s, but the only thing that has even come close in Miami sports, and perhaps the sports world as a whole, is the Miami Heat of today. Lets remember, on the formation of this team back in July 2010, Sports Illustrated decided to rank the top 25 most hated teams in sports history. The 2010-11 Miami Heat took the 25th spot before they even played a game, but the 1986 University of Miami football team took the #1 spot. The 1990 Hurricanes team took the 11th spot for good measure.

Those teams made LeBron and Co. look like Boy Scouts in comparison. When they weren't breaking actual laws they were pissing all over the laws of tradition of college football, and they didn't give one single fuck. They never apologized. They paid no mind to the haters. They never doubted themselves. At times they were indistinguishable from actual hurricanes, and they won. Oh, they fucking won. Four championships in eight years, and another in 2001 for good measure.

So what can the Heat learn from the Hurricanes?

1. Dress for Domination
Listen Heat, we all know fashion is important to you. We're totally cool with you rocking pink pants, man purses and lensless glasses in the regular season and the early rounds of the post-season. Show up in a silver lamé tuxedo with a bedazzled top hat and a lucite walking canes for all I care. But if you're going to pretend that clothes are important, you're going to have to buy into the idea of the importance of style. Clothes can literally affect they way you feel. It's not lost on me that, yes, the 'Canes lost the 1987 Fiesta Bowl, but I can't help but think that the Heat rolling into& Chesapeake Energy Arena wearing matching camo would be the most awesome thing ever. My head might explode. Seriously guys, don't dress like sales clerks at a 5th Avenue boutique. No one is going to ask you if you have those Dior Homme pants in a size 32, OK. Show up to the arena dressed like fucking coldhearted assassins who are intent on leaving nothing but pure destruction in their paths.

2. Intimidate Your Opponents


The best Hurricanes teams were not only masters of the game, but masters of head games. Yeah, some of those tactics, including cursing, spitting, and boasting, might not cut it in today's NBA, but the Heat have to get into the Thunder's head. After all, the Thunder are nothing but a bunch of kids. They should feel lucky to even be playing the Heat, let alone in the Finals. What do they got? A skinny 23-year-old? They should feel intimated playing the Heat. Come on, guys, you can invite them to shake your hands after the series, but until then invite them to suck your dick. Your Cobradick, that is. It worked against the Oklahoma Sooners, it can work against the Thunder.