College Rankings: Every Florida School is Drunk and Easy, Except UMiami, Which is a Post-Segregation Paradise

Categories: Survey Says
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Both Newsweek and The Princeton Review have released their college rankings in the past week, and they paint Florida's academic institutions as little more than drunken, sports-happy party plazas where no one really cares about school work. Except for the University of Miami, however, which is apparently only notable as a place where everyone gets along regardless of race or class.

Seriously, lets take a look at some of the lists Florida schools dominated.

Newsweek's Top 25 Party Schools
25. Rollins College
13. Florida State University
9. University of Florida

Newsweek's Least Rigorous Colleges
21. University of Florida
14. Florida Atlantic University
4. University of South Florida
2. Florida State University
1. University of Central Florida

Princeton Review's "Students Study The Least"
19. University of Florida
7. Florida State University

Princeton Review's Party Schools
8. Florida State University
6. University of Florida

Princeton Review's "Lots of Beer"
11. Florida State University
5. University of Florida

Not every list featured multiple Florida schools, so here's where individual universities placed on other lists (all from Princeton Review unless identified as Newsweek):

University of Floirda:
#6 Best Career Services #8 Best College Newspaper
#16 Everyone Plays Intramural Sports
#2 Jock Schools
#17 Lots of Hard Liquor
#3 Students Pack the Stadiums

Florida State University:
#20 Everyone Plays Intramural Sports
#7 Jock Schools
#18 Lots of Greek Life
#8 Party Schools
#4 Students Pack the Stadiums
#7 Students Study the Least

University of South Florida
#18 Is That a Dorm?
#7 Least Accessible Professors

And then of course there's New College of Florida, the non-gender binary-identifying little sibling of the public university system:
#9 Birkenstock-Wearing, Tree-Hugging, Clove-Smoking Vegetarians
#20 Class Discussions Encouraged
#6 LGBT-Friendly
#5 There's a Game?
#2 Is It Food?
#5 Most Politically Active Students
#2 Nobody Plays Intramural Sports
#3 Great Financial Aid
#19 Most Liberal Students
#10 Easiest Campus to Get Around
#16 Most Liberal Schools (Newsweek)

But what of the University of Miami? Suntan U? The campus noted for its sexy students that once dominated every party school list? Well, they just got a single rating:

#8 Lots of Race/Class Interaction

Which is totally true! It's the kind of place where Jewish millionaires suddenly become best friends with black inner-city kids. Just ask Nevin Shapiro.

Whatever. At least it's still the highest Florida school on U.S. News and World Report's list of best colleges.

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Fred
Fred

This is why my kid is going to FIU. Should I go into debt so my kid can learn how to tap a keg in Tallahassee? Jeez, she can learn that here!

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