Hard Knocks, Episode 2: Chad Johnson's Epic Groin-Kick to Dolphins Fans
Over the past decade, your Miami Dolphins have resembled a resident of Hiroshima that moved to Nagasaki during World War II to escape the likelihood of bombing. "It's probably much nicer and safer over there," your Dolphins say. Inevitably, they're pretty much screwed either way; it's always an emotional bloodbath.
So as David Garrard went down with a knee injury last Thursday (as we learned during this week's episode of Hard Knocks) from a seemingly harmless motion while watching his children frolic in the family pool, Chad Johnson Nagasaki-ed our nuts by getting arrested for domestic battery three days later (his first off-field issue! CHAMPIONS PRACTICE HERE!). Surprising? Hardly. But sooo fuckin' Dolphins of them even in a week where our QB Savior shined in live action against second- and third-teamers.
This week's installment of HBO's Hard Knocks was considerably more entertaining and climaxed with the moment most Dolphins fans and viewers had anticipated all week: the inevitable meeting between Coach Philbin and Johnson over his dismissal from the team. Let's hit the highlights:
- First, 'The Dismissal Scene': Dramatic TV, surely, and a side of football you rarely get to see. We all knew it would be awkward, strange and more uncomfortable than dipping your dad's sick, old balls in epsom salt but, man, Philbin's handling of it is even more unsettling! Philbin drummed on the padded leather armrests, circled around the topic gingerly, over-explained himself and seemed all around unsure of how to address this player that he clearly has nothing in common with on any level. That's kinda weird and all since, you know, HE'S THE FUCKING HEAD COACH AND HE CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE PLEASES CONCERNING THE PLAYERS ON HIS TEAM but, you know, yeah ... let me proceed to make this exchange painstakingly longer and drawn out. I'll give The Dad from Stepbrothers points for handling the matter well in front of the team, however: