Hard Knocks, Episode 2: Chad Johnson's Epic Groin-Kick to Dolphins Fans

Categories: Sports
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Over the past decade, your Miami Dolphins have resembled a resident of Hiroshima that moved to Nagasaki during World War II to escape the likelihood of bombing. "It's probably much nicer and safer over there," your Dolphins say. Inevitably, they're pretty much screwed either way; it's always an emotional bloodbath.

So as David Garrard went down with a knee injury last Thursday (as we learned during this week's episode of Hard Knocks) from a seemingly harmless motion while watching his children frolic in the family pool, Chad Johnson Nagasaki-ed our nuts by getting arrested for domestic battery three days later (his first off-field issue! CHAMPIONS PRACTICE HERE!). Surprising? Hardly. But sooo fuckin' Dolphins of them even in a week where our QB Savior shined in live action against second- and third-teamers.

This week's installment of HBO's Hard Knocks was considerably more entertaining and climaxed with the moment most Dolphins fans and viewers had anticipated all week: the inevitable meeting between Coach Philbin and Johnson over his dismissal from the team. Let's hit the highlights:

- First, 'The Dismissal Scene': Dramatic TV, surely, and a side of football you rarely get to see. We all knew it would be awkward, strange and more uncomfortable than dipping your dad's sick, old balls in epsom salt but, man, Philbin's handling of it is even more unsettling! Philbin drummed on the padded leather armrests, circled around the topic gingerly, over-explained himself and seemed all around unsure of how to address this player that he clearly has nothing in common with on any level. That's kinda weird and all since, you know, HE'S THE FUCKING HEAD COACH AND HE CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE PLEASES CONCERNING THE PLAYERS ON HIS TEAM but, you know, yeah ... let me proceed to make this exchange painstakingly longer and drawn out. I'll give The Dad from Stepbrothers points for handling the matter well in front of the team, however:

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23 comments
Jimmy
Jimmy

Overall limpid and lucid though with overtones of Episcopalianism and a scintilla short on the dick jokes.  I give this first time New Times reporter two thumbs up.

 

DatRoroKid
DatRoroKid

@LoRyder - HAHAHA! Thanks for spreading the dick gospel, man.

DatRoroKid
DatRoroKid

@nashmax73 - thank you, my brutha. Hopefully will settle in more easily as I do more!

dorizinn
dorizinn

@DatRoroKid Ahhh it is a new thing! I read it and was like “has this been going on long? I feel like I missed something.” Congrats!

ipeneIope
ipeneIope

@DatRoroKid Awesome dude! And enjoy your trip!! :)

Omar Green
Omar Green

The dolphins are r gonna miss him cause no receivers was better than him . Most of the games r gonna be blackout anyways. At least chad had the reporter coming around and the rookie quarterback would have a primary target . Preseason games don't count and if u keep talking about the one drop pass i don't know Wat to tell u. The coach was dumb for letting him go just like that he try to take control off the team when he couldn't control his own son drug problem . Smh blackout games this yr.lol

James G. Camp
James G. Camp

LOL Rossy, Are the Dolphins really going to miss that one drop (err I mean catch) every game in their offense ?

adamsmoot
adamsmoot

@DatRoroKid Um, wouldn't this be like Greg Cote writing for the New York Post...?

James G. Camp
James G. Camp

This is minor compared to Ricky Williams groin kick to the Dolphins. South FL has a short memory. I guess in this one, we have a victim ?

Jimbo99
Jimbo99

What's worse, what Ricky Williams did a few seasons back that has long since been swept under the doormat and forgotten or this by # 85 ? I think Ricky Williams groin kick was bigger. # 85 wasn't ever a lock to be a #1 for the Dolphins, the Patriots didn't use him as such.

Rossy Aleman
Rossy Aleman

I dont think he shouldve gotten let go of the dolphins. thats his personal life, that has nothing to do with him playing on the field.

Penelopeeee
Penelopeeee

Great read! Broward and DADE covered now! The world is a better place!!

 

(ignore the guy below me! You rock!)

 

 

duuuude.....
duuuude.....

next time don't start this article with comparing the dolphins to hiroshima or nagasaki. really really ignorant.

DatRoroKid
DatRoroKid

@NicFromCollege - thanks, my brutha!

DatRoroKid
DatRoroKid

@adamsmoot - no, it's like Malcom Gladwell writing for Miami Today

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