Mugshots Friday: Angry Birds and the Queen of Swagger

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.

Arrested: 7/31
Charged with: Driving with a suspended license
Don't worry about this guy. He's got some feathered friends on the outside who are going to bust him out of the joint in a jiffy. Unless they only brought those green toucans that boomerang a thousand miles into the sky before crashing into the ground about 400 feet shy of the building. Seriously, how do those birds plan on getting their eggs back using those stupid toucans? That's like bringing a Swiss Army knife to the Thunderdome.

Arrested: 7/28
Charged with: Panhandling
Either Danny Glover really let himself go, or this is some method acting research for a role in which he plays an alcoholic Santa Claus who learns the true meaning of Christmas by getting wasted with Rudolph.

Arrested: 7/27
Charged with: Trespassing
Let's be honest: If you were sharing a jail cell with this guy, and he came up to you making this face and asking you what that awful smell was, you'd pretend that you had farted even if you knew he was the one who ripped one, right? You'd probably go as far to shit yourself just for authenticity's sake.