Mugshots Friday: Behold, A Tattooed Savior Has Come

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.

Arrested: 8/18
Charged with: Panhandling/solicitation

Mugshots Friday has featured its fair share of tattoos in its history: tear drops, bandanas on foreheads, more 305s and 786s than we can count. But they all must now bow to the King of Tattoos. Where do you even start with this guy? The eyebrows that look like sheet music? The fact that he has a unibrow with what looks like a bullet on his forehead? The droopy handlebar mustache? What appears to be a bowtie above his Adam's apple? The three-leaf (three-leaf!) clovers encased in psychedelic ninja stars on his neck? How much did he have to pay a tattoo artist to do all of this? He even has the "I killed a guy" tear on his cheek, which should surprise no one, because there's no way this guy hasn't pulled a knife on at least one person in his life. This is the closest I'm ever going to come to seeing the face of God.

Arrested: 8/17
Charged with: Panhandling/solicitation
Two straight weeks on Mugshots Friday for Mr. Earring, who apparently swapped his string of gumballs for a bell he stole off of a cat's collar. Ordinarily, a repeat offender with a piece of a Tibetan monastery hanging off his face would be the week's clear winner. But after the majesty of King Mustache of the Tattoo Realm, everyone else is playing for a very distant second place.

Arrested: 8/21
Charged with: Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest
Here's another guy who, on a regular week, would run away with this shit. After all, this is a man who believes so strongly in the idea of honor and self-pride that he got it permanently inscribed on his damn neck, then proceeds to make a duckface at the camera. But in the wake of The Prince of Regrettable Ink, all other tattooed felons must up their game something fierce.