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RNC 2012 Day Two: Doe-Eyed Kid Takes Stage, Talks About AC/DC, Vows Not to Kill Old People

Categories: Politicks
paulryans.jpg
P90X champion Paul Ryan
On Tuesday, the GOP ended the first day of its national convention by letting Chris Christie pummel Ann Romney's message of love to death with his meaty, angry fists like a Garden State mob goon. Last night, Republicans tried a more refined tactic, choosing concert pianist and conservative counterpoint to racism Condoleezza Rice to expertly pick apart Barack Obama's foreign policy.

Then something strange happened: a strapping young P90X addict with sparkling blue swimming pools for eyes sauntered onto stage, name dropped Led Zeppelin and AC/DC, and promised not to kill old people. The crowd f***ing loved it.

Eventually, it dawned on the sea of septuagenarians that the preternaturally pumped guy on stage was not their 6 a.m. "Building a Better You" country club exercise class instructor.

Instead, it was almost midnight and the loudly shouting man was GOP vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan.

Not that the message differed that much, really. Take one of Ryan's closing statements, for example: "The work ahead will be hard. These times demand the best of all of us -- all of us, but we can do this -- we can do this. Together, we can do this!"

One more set, guys! Feel the burrrrrrn!!!

A couple minutes later, however, it quickly became clear that this bright-eyed kid was kind of a dick. First, he made up some crap about Obama closing a plant in Ryan's hometown of Janesville, when it actually closed under George W. Bush. (That was just one of a boatload of blatant lies told by Ryan. Seriously, he made a lot of shit up.)

Then he started mocking the president: "[Obama] said his job is to, quote, 'Tell a story to the American people.' As if that is the whole problem here: He needs to talk more and we need to be better listeners?"

And later: "College graduates should not have to live out their 20s in their childhood bedrooms, staring up at fading Obama posters and wondering when they can move out and get going with life."


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36 comments
Morris Solow
Morris Solow

I would fire the 12 year old who makes $5.00 and hire a College Graduate that can't find a Job under "Obama`s Lies"...They would probably write an unbiased column for free!

drakemallard
drakemallard topcommenter

if the Republicans can’t fix any of these problems that are allegedly the Democrats’ fault, then why elect them to office in the first place?'

What’s a joke is American politics. Nearly everyone in the country would agree, judging by congressional approval ratings in national polls

we have a national debt that’s out of control, they send us to wars we shouldn’t be fighting in."

 

 

Erick Vasquez
Erick Vasquez

Terrance - Agree, but how bad is that these Republicans like Ryan know that theyr supporters do not research or even care to look for the true info so they do not mind lying on a speech like he did. They need to be called out....

Terrance Skerrette
Terrance Skerrette

He lies, they lies, the thing is that they know that their party supporter will not even research the claims....and no matter if he stood there and said nothing they will still vote for him....because they are voting against not for.

Luis G. Hernandez
Luis G. Hernandez

No, MNT is calling it how it is. If GOP wants to f**k it all up by themselves then we won't stand around like dumbasses and be fed all this bullshit these republicans are throwing at us like peanuts. @MiamiNewTimes -Keep doing exactly what you do.

Erick Vasquez
Erick Vasquez

That being said, Paul Ryan wants to cut food assistance programs the elderly use and he wants to privatize Medicare to pay for the tax cuts for the top 1%. He also blamed Obama for a GMC plant closing that actually closed in 08 under Bush. Nevermind that against the Romney/Republican let americam auto go bankrupt sentiment, President Obama helped american auto companys like GMC amd they are doing great..So i do have a problem with him being so dishonest to his supporters...

Erick Vasquez
Erick Vasquez

I think its good they are discussing important things too like the VP speech instead of just human interest stories...

Eddie James
Eddie James

The problem is, much like their leaders, they don't do what they say, so all those who said they will unsubscribe, Will be here tomorrow complaining when the Romney speech is fact checked. All over the innerwebs the right has this crying about fair and balanced crap down to a science. Hint; the other side of the story of a fact is UNTRUE.

Stephanie Fernandez Estevez
Stephanie Fernandez Estevez

I see a lot of people don't like hearing the truth lol. It's like the kid that just found out there is no Santa. In denial and full of rage and bitterness. The facts mentioned were given by Fox news. The right winged media outlet.

Jose Martinez Jr
Jose Martinez Jr

Unsubscribing... Wait Obama built the Miami New Times! It makes sense now since the brainless tools that work there are not capable of building such crap on there own...

Mario Giancarlo Garibaldi
Mario Giancarlo Garibaldi

The right wing trolls are clearly still very misinformed. Keep watching fox news! Obama destroyed America!!!!! Sigh.

Mario Giancarlo Garibaldi
Mario Giancarlo Garibaldi

The right wing trolls are clearly still very misinformed. Keep watching fox news! Obama destroyed America!!!!! Sigh.

Ed Ochoa
Ed Ochoa

Well on the bright side of Obumbo wins my business will be very very busy for the next 4 years HA!

George Hoover
George Hoover

"too bad" IT SHOULD BE EXPECTED BY NOW-WE'LL HEAR ANOTHER PACK-OF-LIES TONIGHT!

Eugene Buck
Eugene Buck

and we are still suffering with Obama right Janet

Fernando Buch
Fernando Buch

Yeah hitler was energetic and gave great speeches but he was also full of shit and hidden hate...dammit I mentioned hitler...me culpa mea maxima culpa

Janet Forte
Janet Forte

Repugs will say anything. Everybody knows Ryan & Romney will take us backwards to the same old, tired policies we suffered through for 8 long years with Bush!

Michael Jones
Michael Jones

A Vice Presidential candidate standing on a stage lying to the world should be the only news you should be conserned with today!

Eugene Buck
Eugene Buck

The thing is New Times has to come up with different stories since it is losing a lot of its readers, so if you have noticed they are filling up the site with articles and posts regarding all different topics which they obviously no nothing about, the only thing that they do know is where to get the Best Burger in Miami Beach or where is the latest Gay Lesbian parade

Jason Riner
Jason Riner

@Josh, there's no need to be ignorant. I'm actually not a Republican. I'm an Independent. I subscribed to MNT because I wanted to know about the entertainment in Miami, not to see a bunch of political BS. There are plenty of places to go for that already. Have a nice day!

Josh Phelps
Josh Phelps

Its clear that the far left are scared of of Ryan. It was a great speech.

Josh Phelps
Josh Phelps

Its clear that the far left are scared of of Ryan. It was a great speech.

Danny Benedit
Danny Benedit

Can't wait till you guys close down... Enjoy your Obamacare Tax in the meantime...

Josh Everage
Josh Everage

Seriously. Later knuckle-dragging republicans. You won't b missed.

Tanya C Davis
Tanya C Davis

so if you know they are a "propaganda machine", why did you like the page?

Fit Forlife
Fit Forlife

If u want to be credible, how about being non-partisan in your articles.

Jenny Sanchez
Jenny Sanchez

Typical of New Times, since it is a left wing propaganda machine, all they do is bash anything conservative

Jason Riner
Jason Riner

I'm unsubscribing. All you guys do anymore is post political articles, half of which are incredibly inaccurate and immature.

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