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50 Reasons Why Miami Is Better Than Every City on Bloomberg's 50 Best Cities List

Categories: Listicles
miamidowntown.jpg
Bloomberg Businessweek recently decided to count down the top 50 best cities in America, and Miami doesn't even make their list.

They even based their rankings on attributes like leisure activities (including bars, restaurants, and sports teams), and clean air. So, you'd think we'd at least make it on the list, because all we do here is leisure around while breathing in clean air. Yet, they also included bummer criteria like "the economy" and "crime." What a downer. So, Miami was left off. Yet, we're actually better than every single city on this list. Here's why.

50. Los Angeles
Los Angeles is almost exactly like Miami if it was stretched out 10 times for maximum sprawl, had even worse traffic, and everyone was made just a little bit dumber, vainer and douchier. Why would anyone live there? Unless they like the cruel thrill of being waited on by wannabe actors who are slowly realizing that their dreams of Hollywood stardom will never actually come true.

49. Anchorage, Alaska
The average temperature is just 14 degrees above freezing. No sane person would ever live there, even if it does come with a nice view of Russia.

48. Omaha
The city's most famous musical export, Bright Eyes, is a band that everyone is ashamed to admit they loved in high school.

47. St. Louis
Building a giant arch over a river to try and make your city seem interesting and stand out is the equivalent of a college sophomore getting a nose piercing.

46. Cleveland
This is a city that has so little going on that it threw a prolonged, multi-year meltdown because some guy who was good at basketball decided to move out of town. We're not even going to mention that he decided to come to Miami. Oh wait, yes we are! Ha. Ha. Ha. Shove it, Cleveland.

45. Chesapeake, Virginia
You know what the most interesting thing about Chesapeake, Virginia is? Seriously. We're asking. No one in Chesapeake, Virginia even knows what the most interesting thing about Chesapeake, Virginia is.

44. Phoenix
Not so great if you're brown.

43. Scottsdale
See above.

42. Reno, Nevada
Really, the ratchet version of Las Vegas made this list? I guess you're in luck if you like second-rate casinos and third-rate strip malls.

41. Dallas
It's a giant city for sure, but is there anything to actually do here besides wear cowboy boots with business suits?


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131 comments
Eric London
Eric London

I grew up in Seattle. It would take a ton of money to get me to go back there. They say there are 300 days of sunshine in Florida. In my 30 years in Seattle, I wonder if I saw a total of 300 days of sunshine.

Millie Santana
Millie Santana

Miami can't make it because Miami is not a U.S. City - Miami is a third world country. Miami has a loooooooong way to go to make this list!

James Kelley
James Kelley

I live in the Miami area and really despise it. I would of left years ago but my family likes it here so I was stuck. Now I am in a place where there are no jobs, no brains,no real culture (sorry an occasional art festival or opening of a crap art museum that some rich asshole is using as a tax write off does not mean a place is cultural) I have attended plays and as I look around the room I see people sleeping! But wait all is not lost! I guess we actually do have high levels of culture!! Miley Cyrus is coming to town this week. YAY we made it. A town like this that is supposed to be so "hip" cannot even begin to support a local live music scene. Sorry wanna be musicians spinning turntables in reverse ain't the deal. You open the weekend coming events section and the stories are about a DJ from (name a famous city/country) gonna be "spinning" at some big ass nightclub. Please spare me. Just my opinion. And for those that will tell me to just leave if i hate it so bad. Believe me if I could I would in a minute. I will stop now before I have to try to describe the driving down here. Later, jimk

Shawn O'Brion
Shawn O'Brion

Sweating at night, mosquitos, ignorant rude drivers & the shittiest customer service in the world, people who throw garbage & shit & broken glass in their own back yards.. um, no. Don't miss it one bit. Grew up there 20 years. There's beaches in California thanks. and mountains, and forest, and hot springs, and desert, and snowboarding, and educated, respectful intelligent people that care about the environment and other people. I'm good thanks. Enjoy your sillicone and dying manatees and bros.

Intelprise EcommPlatform
Intelprise EcommPlatform

Shawn obviously misses the waterfront luv we get when we wake up to dolphins in our backyard and leave our houses by boat to be almost sunken in rivers of silicone a few miles later....It's a disgusting lifestyle that some of us wake up thanking the big man up there.....

Shawn O'Brion
Shawn O'Brion

Miami is the most ignorant major city outside of the deep south.

Desiree Carey
Desiree Carey

too funny! as a former LA resident I could not agree more.

Miriam Kaige
Miriam Kaige

Haters! Miami is the best! Luv my city....

Rod Sprayberry
Rod Sprayberry

I lived there for 17 years and now live in LA. I miss it there and will be back asap

Marie Fer Costa
Marie Fer Costa

Michael Bloomberg came to Argentina and dare to say the meat wasn't that good so I believe he could misplaced Miami too

James Fleming
James Fleming

Spare us! Did you read Miami Herald's story on 800 manatee deaths? Is that success? As one who called Miami home for 25 years its changed significantly for the worse and I'm glad to be gone. Now when visiting Florida I much prefer Delray Beach and St Augustine!

Carl Snyder
Carl Snyder

Here are my top 5 (sorry, too lazy to write out 50). 1. English is a second language. 2. The most courteous drivers in America (not). 3. Super patriotic residents! Flags on every car (too bad none are American). 4. Medicare/Medicaid fraud capital of the U.S. and 5. Our lovely beaches frequently closed b/c of fecal matter in the water (Caddy Shack anyone?)

Bridget Doyle
Bridget Doyle

Or as this should be titled, "50 Reasons Why This Writer Was Butthurt That Miami Didn't Make the Cut"

Josh Everage
Josh Everage

For everyone that hates miami, just leave. You won't b missed.

Jo Viscaino
Jo Viscaino

it was a good article cause it got people talking. chill out

Dan Marino
Dan Marino

Your comment about Austin, one of the best cities in this country and certainly the best on this list, just shows why you are still a hack writer for New Times and you are as funny as a bad episode of Whitney.

gwagen55
gwagen55

that list is from 2012....

Ariana Calderon
Ariana Calderon

HATE IT! lol sorry just had to be the debbie downer! Lmao

Yesenia Marie
Yesenia Marie

I love what he said about Portland! He accurately listed some of the reasons why we moved to Portland.

Jayan Bertrand
Jayan Bertrand

I guess it depends on the scene you're attracted to. Still don't like it here though

divamiami
divamiami

THE BEST  ARTICLE  EVER!!!!

Casey C Chu
Casey C Chu

Miami is The Magic City and I love it!!!

frankd4
frankd4 topcommenter

........................why is MIAMI such a poor large city ?

since these outsiders visiting here usually claim residency eleswhere,  they do NOT VOTE here,  so the political situation is very unstable,  and corruption and cronyism is pervasive and ingrained,  so local schools budgets and necessary infastructure like water and sewer and road maintenance budgets are bloated with waste and suffer under kickback schemes sucking out all efficiency and effectiveness of public resources support services - many times what is paid for is NEVER received - tammany hall on a much larger scale

increasingly the criminal and judicial system has become a larger and larger "industry" with expanding budgets for prisons and courts and police expanding to "profit" from the higher incarceration rates and administrative court functions from an expanding population of poor people unable to defend themselves legally and more likely to do something "illegal" like selling or using drugs or driving without insurance or committing fraud and so on

frankd4
frankd4 topcommenter

...............who is really from MIAMI anyway ?

going back a few hundred years everyone else since then is from another geographic place except a few indigenous indian tribes

sadly the marielitos were a real problem and became the basis for a drug industry to take root

real estate fortunes were made and lost again and again over the last sixty years

the area in general is poor and economically not self sustaining with no natural resources or manufacturing or heavy industry to support the population with good jobs - it is basically a third world type island of tourism, with outsiders visiting for various periods either buying or renting accomodations during "seasons", most likely to escape severe weather elsewhere

frankd4
frankd4 topcommenter

...............in reality MIAMI is and always will be a playground for tourists = period

the visiting tourists pay for what they use,  and leave, and as long as we have weather and beaches NOTHING else will ever matter, ..................in the meanwhile social security and drugs float the basic MIAMI economy

plus tourists don't VOTE here so politicians can do what they want as long as the tourists are catered to leaving the residents to live on the crumbs of poor schools and crowded roads and low income jobs cleaning all those hotel rooms and waiting on and serving all those guests

frankd4
frankd4 topcommenter

.................the BEST thing about MIAMI is that it is so close to the United States

Amanda Drewniak
Amanda Drewniak

Additionally Mr. " Reporter" it's RETCHED NOT RATCHET. A ratchet is a tool used for bolts. Retched is disgusting. Continually perpetuating degradation of the English Language, only proves the lack of education that is required to be a NewTimes reporter. Lack of grammatical skill and the urge to misinform must be part of the initially interview.

Amanda Drewniak
Amanda Drewniak

Ugh. It is a true enlightenment to how little Newtimes really know little about the world outside Miami to make an assessment about why it's the best city in their opinion. Wikipedia is not a source to make a judgement. Clearly the "reporter" has only been to one city on this list and has no intention in seeing any other. This article is the most xenophobic uneducated and unintelligent bullshit I have read in a while. It does not promote Miami as awesome and prideful, it promotes its population as utterly stupid and self indulged.

Alex Rivas
Alex Rivas

Every city has it's own BS and stupid stuff. At least Miami is more fun.

Michelle Oney
Michelle Oney

Miami is FAR from the best and if you think it is, then you probably don't get out of the city much. But hey... to each his own.

Amy Beaver
Amy Beaver

I live in Ohio. I try to get to Miami every chance I get. This article is right on..it is awful here. The quality of life is much better in Miami , I feel alive there!!!

DavidDennis
DavidDennis

I could have said that the Pittsburgh Steelers are at least a better football team, but oops.  Pittsburgh is 0-2 and Miami just became 3-0.  And Miami doesn't even care that much about football, which makes this even more interesting :).

I could also admit that I lived for six awful years in Pittsburgh and I really love Miami.  As an ex-Pittsburgher, I really want to say something nice about the place, but really, my Pittsburgh years were a big mistake.

For most of these cities, though, I would ask the mythical guy on this street to take this simple quiz.

Where would YOU rather live?

- City on list

- Miami

So for example, where would you rather live, Cleveland or Miami?  I once visited Cleveland, the city looked like it had been hit by some kind of bomb, just like Detroit.  The Cleveland Clinic seemed to own the only standing structures in the place.

I can see someone supporting Hawaii or San Francisco, but I'd have a tough time supporting most of the frigid, depressing places on this list ...

D

Erik Karlsson
Erik Karlsson

every city has its own problems but the reasons to not live in other cites were pathetic!!!!! Miami is a very vibrant, diverse interesting place to live, its just an acquired that's not for everyone. As is KC-Missouri, personally I would never live there again LOL!

Anthonyvop1
Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

Scott Walker is a True Defender of Freedom & Liberty.


Hitler, Mao, Lenin, Stalin and Castro all agree that one should be a member of the party for Government Job.   

Show us where your political leaning lay.

Phil Ramirez
Phil Ramirez

The funny thing about this thread, is the amount of Hialeans boasting their arrogant mentality, uttering lines like: "...(eh!) u can gou somewhere eals! Tocame la pinga!! (Ah!!)" "...if you can stand the heat, gerau de keechen (eh!!)" Miami for miamians, just like Texas for texans.

Lindsay Goldenberg
Lindsay Goldenberg

That article is terrible. It is the exact reason why Miami is such a bad city to live. The people who live there are rude and unintelligent. I lived there my whole life and am honored to live in the best city in the country according to this poll. The people who live there are classy by being polite and civilized. But I'm from Miami so I can tell you your journalistic skills are poor and you make yourself sound like a douche.

Rod Deal
Rod Deal

Beaches, weather, & women.

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