DNC 2012: Three Lessons Democrats Can Learn From Republicans' Florida Fiasco
|When a star goes senile...|
Democrats took notice as Eastwood melted down like an Oscar in a smelting oven, but avoiding octogenarian speakers wasn't the only lesson they should take away as they prepare their own convention in Charlotte, North Carolina, this week. Here are three more.
Leave the nuts at home
But then wouldn't the entire convention center be empty? Yes, well, we mean real nuts -- the kind that can be used as a racist prop to throw at black people.
"This is how we feed animals," two RNC attendees allegedly yelled at CNN camerawoman Patricia Carroll while doing so. The attendees were ejected, and Democrats were duly warned: Serve only nonmissile-like food in Charlotte. Or -- even better -- don't be racist assholes.
When Tropical Storm Isaac coalesced over the Gulf of Mexico, it looked like God was about to go all Old Testament on the GOP (perhaps for worshiping false idols like Romney's hair). RNC organizers scrambled to save the event by scrapping the first day.
Yet the creator knew what he was doing. Yes, the storm flooded homes across the Gulf. But Isaac also spared us the ignominy of listening to Gov. Rick Scott boast about what a great place he's made Florida. And it saved us from listening to Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal's affected drawl. Maybe Democrats can conjure up some meteorological reason for ditching Joe Biden?
Court the curmudgeon vote
We can only assume that's what Republicans were doing when they passed on displaying a hologram (albeit of Ronald Reagan) and instead invited Dithering Harry onstage. First, Eastwood blamed Obama for a war he didn't start. Then he pretended that the imaginary president had told him and Mitt Romney to go screw themselves.
|Colin Swan via wikimedia commons|
"I, I, I knew that you were going to be conservative," Allen stammers. "I didn't know that meant mandating the missionary position!"
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