Dolphins Fall to Texans 30-10 In Season-Opening Flop

Categories: Sports
With seven minutes left in the second quarter on Sunday, the Dolphins looked like a team that seemed to have turned the corner. The defense was playing more like the aggressive squad that had played well last year, the Dolphins receivers were catching the ball on offense, rookie quarterback Ryan Tannehill was playing efficiently and the Dolphins were up 3-0. Then The Suck returned.

Yes, like a shaman inhabited by The Great Spirit of Sucktitude, our Miami Dolphins came back down to Earth and preceded to turn the ball over 4 times on 4 straight possessions with those remaining 7 minutes.

The Suck let us know FULL WELL that it was indeed here and ready to possess our team -- same way it has for years and especially since General Manager Jeff "The Devil Himself" Ireland asked a college prospect if his mother was a crack-smoking prostitute. Soooome thiiiiings willl never chaaaange:

Let's hit it:

-- As expected, rookie quarterback Ryan Tannehill showed some early struggles. Although he was fairly sharp and poised in the preseason, RT17 came back down to Earth with a forgettable performance: 20-of-36 for 219 yards and 3 interceptions. Two of those came in back-to-back series sequences where Tannehill (who's 6'4", mind you) chose poor passing lanes and had passes batted in the air by defensive lineman JJ Watt for NOM NOM NOM jump-ball interceptions whilst Dolphins players looked around all confusedly.

-- He also accounted for another interception thrown right at new free agent acquisition Jonathan Joseph, who showed great concentration to haul the bobbled ball into possession. Problem is Joseph plays cornerback for the other team. This shows what happens when you ADD good, impact players instead of Irelanding them into second-round future draft picks you'll only screw up.

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Sucked like Gina Gershon sucking Matthew McConnaughey's K fried C drumstick in Killer Jo, which I highly recommend seeing if you, like me, have a perverse and sadistic streak, which you must because you watch Dolphins' games.  So hey.


All hail the great and powerful LOLphins' Shaman of the Suck


@DatRoroKid "then the suck returned" line. ever. #blessed

Jonathan Jackson
Jonathan Jackson

Dolphins!!!!! Philbin sucks as a Coach and Ireland STINKS as a G.M.

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