Miami Dolphins Obliterate the Oakland Raiders 35 - 13

Categories: Sports
Facing a below-average Oakland Raiders yesterday, it was generally believed the Dolphins had a very good chance of beating their former AFC rival and notching the first victory for both Head Coach Joe Philbin and QB Ryan Tannehill. Then Reggie Bush came out of nowhere and decided to show everyone his ass closet.

Reggie added a whole new wing to the closet yesterday with 26 carries for 172 yards rushing and 2 TDs, including a 23-yard romp off right tackle and another 65-yarder that obliterated the collective defensive team penis of the Raiders. THIS is why we need 1 p.m. home games in September.

ass closet.jpg
It was awesome and nasty and beautiful and everything you want to see from this young Dolphins team: a steady diet of pounding the football via Reggie and Lamar Miller (who added 65 yards on 13 carries as well as his first NFL touchdown) to the tune of 259 total yards rushing. That's just fucking awesome football.

More highlights:

-- Rookie QB Ryan Tannehill was sharp in his second pro start, going 18-of-30 for 200 yards with one passing touchdown and one running on a naked bootleg to close the first drive of the game. He was especially efficient when looking for Brian Hartline, who had a career-high 9 receptions for 111 yards. Tannehill was impressive, particularly after a week where many questioned his throwing angle, his vision, his passing lanes and whether he was born in the United States and not Kenya. He even threw his first NFL TD to a TE wearing number 80, just like this other guy called Dan Marino (AKA 'The Right Arm of God') and causing some people to draw certain comparisons.

-- Speaking of overachieving chipmunks, Brian Hartline was straight nas-tay yesterday, getting open consistently, catching a few well-placed Tannehill back shoulder throws and even talking up some chipmunk trash in between plays. It was great!

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Victory Monday in September?  I forgot what those were like.


/fist pump


Lamontelle Pussyhammer's ass closet is the stinky good kind of shit.


@DatRoroKid No prob. Now you or @byChrisJoseph get your ass to writing a Victory Monday with boobies & dick jokes for @FinsNation LOL

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