How Do You Know When You're a Real Floridian?

Categories: WTF Florida

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Earlier this year, we asked the question, "How do you know you're a real Miamian?" Which obviously got us thinking: How do you know when you're a real Floridan?

This is a state full of retirees and transients. Even if you were born here, there's a good chance your parents probably weren't. So how does one define true Floridianess? We took our best shot at it with this quiz.


The test is pretty simple: For every bullet point you answer "Yes," go ahead and give yourself a point. The scoring key is at the end.

  • It's officially fall when you can keep your a/c off for at least 30 minutes and not sweat to death.
  • You travel for two hours and have to remind yourself you're not in a completely different state or county, but still in Florida.
  • You've done the stingray shuffle, and we don't mean on the dance floor.
  • You know someone who was involved in a "weird Florida news" story that went viral.
  • Seeing dolphins or manatees no longer impresses you.
  • You either get really offended when people call you a Southerner or really offended when people say you're not a real Southerner. Either way, you have strong feelings on the matter.
  • You actually root for Florida sports teams (and you understand why we included this. Seriously, get out of our state Jets fans. Go back to Jersey.).
  • And, of course, you have felt personally victimized by a Florida sports team.
  • You honestly can't fathom the idea that people don't know how to swim.
  • Publix Subs > Subway Subs
  • Big Foot isn't real, but you haven't completely written off the existence of the Skunk Ape.
  • Your winter wardrobe consists of a few hoodies and a denim jacket (often worn with flip flops).
  • Your hometown (or at least the first city in Florida you lived in) is now almost unrecognizable thanks to the building boom.
  • You could go to the beach every Saturday and Sunday of a month and still never wear the same swimsuit.
  • You're sick of seeing mega-lawyer John Morgan's fat face telling you he's "For the People" during every commercial break.
  • You've gotten sunburned in December.
  • A good college football season means your team beat Florida, Florida State and/or Miami (or, obviously, the two teams on that list that aren't your team).

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15 comments
aosol528
aosol528

40

I'm legitimately fucked

1chef1river
1chef1river

@MiamiNewTimes u have brown bags of avocadoes on your kitchen counter thats covered with sand from the towl ur surfer kid just shook out.

Dan Supertramp
Dan Supertramp

Non-floridians freak out waaay more about rain showers.

Andrew Fuentes
Andrew Fuentes

Have to find an artist who can tattoo a snake eating an alligator on my ass lol

Lex Dillinger
Lex Dillinger

20 pts ... this article felt like it was written by a high school freshman with downs

Caryne Havican-Mender
Caryne Havican-Mender

When I found out after my MFA I had to take classes for certification which I also have, I realized I was a Floridian. however Mdcc, and I love and support the school, it was a fight to prove I have been here for 4 years. But as an artist, I have been a Miamian for awhile.

msdanib305
msdanib305

I'm so many on here I'm a real one but I knew that :) RT @MiamiNewTimes How Do You Know When You're a Real Floridian? http://t.co/i2dPQSgg

miacarlson
miacarlson

You forgot that "you think New Yorkers are friendly." RT @MiamiNewTimes: How Do You Know When You're a Real Floridian? http://t.co/0EAnLcwp

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