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Your Miami Dolphins 2012 Season Drinking Game: Drink the Pain Away

Categories: Sports
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Sure, things might come together for the Miami Dolphins this year. Ryan Tannehill could quickly develop into a stud. Our offense may surprise. Joe Philbin might reveal himself as a true coaching genius in his first season. The team might make the playoffs. You might win the lottery. The polar ice caps could re-freeze. The unemployment rate might drop 4 points in a month.

More than likely, though, this is going to be a long, long season of "rebuilding" and what not. In case that's the scenario, Riptide has your 2012 season drinking game to help you drink the pain away.

Anytime the weak O-Line lets Tannehill get sacked: Take a shot.

Anytime Tannehill throws a perfectly fine pass only to have it bungled by a receiver: Shot.

Anytime Tannehill screws up on his own and someone in your group mutters something about Andrew Luck or Peyton Manning: Two shots.

If Tannehill's wife appears on screen: Swig your beer all smooth like, catch a glimpse of your reflection, realize you'll never have a shot, and finish that beer.

Anytime a player the Fins traded away or could have signed makes a big play against the team: Shot!

If Jeff Ireland or Stephen Ross appear on screen: Take a shot and spit it out on the screen. Pretend those fuckers' eyes are stinging and then lick off their alcohol soaked tears.

If Joe Philbin throws a tantrum on the sidelines: Um, well, that probably won't happen, and if it does well... shot. Someone has seriously fucked up.

If Matt Moore ends up getting a start: Just chill out with a smooth beer, it really could be theoretically worse. At least by Dolphins standards.

If Pat Devlin ends up getting a start: Soak your cable box in booze. Something has gone horribly wrong. No one wants to watch that.

When Dan Carpenter kicks a field goal: Fill a shot glass with (cheap) booze, and for old time's sake give a Sporano-style fist pump. Drink whatever is left in the glass.

If the defense manages to keep the team in the game only to watch the offense completely melt down: So many, many shots.

Anytime an announcer mentions Dan Marino or the '72 team: Take a swig and poor some out in memory of the proud franchise this used to be.

If Lamar Miller scores a TD: Drink a six pack of Miller.

If Lamar Miller turns out to be a bust: Smash a six pack of Miller with a baseball bat, drink two six packs of Bud, and blame the coaches.

If Reggie Bush scores a TD: Do not drink Busch beer. It's not even the same spelling. That swill is nasty anyway.

Before playing the Patriots: Drink half a handle, and continue swigging as needed throughout the game.

Before playing the Jets: Go easy. They could suck really bad, too! You might actually want to be sober enough to remember this.

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14 comments
King_Juelz56
King_Juelz56

@NickyCip22 they should have a funnel for every time the jets don't score a touchdown on a drive #FunnelsAllDay

FabuLouis
FabuLouis

@nickontheradio good seeing you playaaaa! hope you made it out of the elevator

CANEtony
CANEtony

@nickontheradio @surrealo @5Evan @tasha_pena @MiamiNewTimes lmao

Alex Nra Shemin
Alex Nra Shemin

Now I can have fun watching the Dolphins suck. And I have several players from Houston on my fantasy team. Great 1st week of football I must say!

NickyCip22
NickyCip22

@King_Juelz56 you could do that for any team.

OffTheWolz
OffTheWolz

@King_Juelz56 did you lol? Shit looks like you'll be drunk as hell

King_Juelz56
King_Juelz56

@NickyCip22 lol you guys scored 1 all Pre-season lol

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