Barack Obama Makes Mitt Romney His B*tch In Second Presidential Debate

Categories: Politicks
Barack Obama pointing.jpg
For more than a year, Mitt Romney has jetted across the country, calling Barack Obama an utter failure. The president has done his fair share of name-calling too, but it wasn't until two weeks ago that he had a chance to stand up to his challenger in person. Instead of taking it to 'em, however, Obama curled up into a ball and received a beating on national TV.

Last night was the president's opportunity to peel the frozen steak off his face and step back into the ring. Not only did he come out swinging, but he connected like Manny mother****ing Pacquiao.

Here's your 10-second summary:
  • In the first debate, Obama was bad. Last night, he was bad ass
  • Mitt Romney didn't cagar la cama like Obama did last time, but the Republican came across as a cranky and bitter old man: more Ron Paul than Ronald Reagan
  • To our surprise, Candy Crowley is not a sugary snack handed out on Halloween but a CNN commentator. Not that it stopped her from getting eaten up by the candidates
See also: 

It's a journalistic cliché that politicians are like prize fighters, jabbing each other with facts and figures as the public scores the damage and declares a winner.

But last night's town hall style debate really was a bit of an old-fashioned brawl. As undecided voters sat in the stands, Obama and Romney took turns sitting uneasily on wooden stools as the other fielded questions from the audience. In some of the tensest moments, the two men circled each other with pointed fingers like billy goats battling to bang a nannie.

Tonight, however, the nannie goat was none other than the United States of America. And she went home with the same man she arrived with: President Barack Obama.

After debating like a wet turd last week, Obama took only 45 seconds to shift from fecal to ferocious.

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Jacob Katel
After a kid named Jeremy crawled out of his oversized suit to ask an opening question that basically amounted to: Dude, where's my job?, Mitt Romney picked up where he left off from the last debate by hammering Obama over the economy.

"The middle-class has been crushed over the last four years, and jobs have been too scarce," Romney said in what would be an effective go-to line for the night. "I know what it takes to bring them back."

Obama smiled and stood up.

"Number one, I want to build manufacturing jobs in this country again," the president said when it was his turn to address Jeremy, who had receded into his Big & Tall sack like a hermit crab into its shell. "Now when Governor Romney said we should let Detroit go bankrupt, I said we're going to bet on American workers and the American auto industry and it's come surging back."

Somewhere in the White House, Joe Biden screamed "At-a-boy!" and crushed a beer can on his forehead in drunken Irish delight.

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55 comments
AMart
AMart

"Obama made Romney his bitch"

 

Wow, seriously? I wouldn't vote for a candidate whose got followers that think or speak in that manner. This is a presidential debate, not some kind of freestyle battle.

Chard Beauregarde
Chard Beauregarde

Whatya, this story was on NPR... and I'm pretty sure any other unbiased (read: not your fucking right-tarded news outlets) new source as well has covered this. My first statement and last don't even contradict. You sound like ca complete dummy in saying so. #MURRIKA!

Giovanni El Illuminati
Giovanni El Illuminati

Hell Naw HE did! Who Says so! WHO GOT MORE MONEY! Romney! Get out of here with that non-sense

Francisco X. Ravelo
Francisco X. Ravelo

@Richard I DO have a brain of my own, and I've chosen to vote against Obama !

Anthony Cuesta
Anthony Cuesta

Romney owned his ass. Fire Obama! Romney/Ryan 2012!

Whatya Gonnado
Whatya Gonnado

Ok Chad.. Now you have given living proof that you can't fix dumb. First you insult Cubans everywhere with your slanted political views then you open your trap and say CNN and ABC lean right which is hilarious because anyone with half a brain knows that both of those networks are liberal and now you state that you think that things are getting better in Cuba because you read some propaganda? It's no wonder your voting for Obama and please do yourself a favor and spare me with your stupid Republican/Democrat rhetoric because I'm neither. I'm an American

nygemma
nygemma

@MiamiNewTimes what debate did u watch u biased liberal rag

Chard Beauregarde
Chard Beauregarde

Apparently it is getting better in Cuba since they're going to start allowing Cubans to travel without Government intervention.

Mario Francisco Garcia
Mario Francisco Garcia

Any Cuban that wants to tell me who to vote for needs to go back to Cuba and vote over there.

ERICK18L
ERICK18L

@MiamiNewTimes Haha sure! The debate was sealed for Romney when they let the negrito ask Obama what have you done to deserve my vote in 2012

Richard H Cibran
Richard H Cibran

Any Cuban who votes republican because their parents and grandparents did, needs to get a brain if their own... "I'm Cuban, so I have to vote republican" is just ignorant!

CandyIsFat
CandyIsFat

Obama was a sarcastic little b*tch hiding behind Candy. He covered up Libya which is the first U.S. Ambassador to be killed since Jimmy Carter, then he had to say it was his responsibility after Hilary took responsibility. He is always hiding behind others. What a b*tch. Speaking of Jimmy Carter, gas prices have double and we just can't get out of this recession (this recover is WORSE than the recovery from the Great Depression). Spin it all you want, but Obama didn't say sh*t, it was his dumb stump speech over and over and over again. What Obama says and what he can actually do are two totally different things! Obama = Loser who only got elected through fraud.

Francisco X. Ravelo
Francisco X. Ravelo

And any Cuban who vote's for Obama is shittin' on the legacy that their grandparent's and parent's built to bring them here

Francisco X. Ravelo
Francisco X. Ravelo

Buck Ofama ! Send him back to Chicago / Hawaii / Indonesia / Kenya or wherever he's really from !

drakemallard
drakemallard topcommenter

"I'll tell you what, ten-thousand bucks? $10,000 bet?" –

 

"I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed." —Mitt Romney, speaking in 2011 to unemployed people in Florida. Romney's net worth is over $200 million. I like being able to fire people who provide services to me." –

 

Mitt Romney, I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there." —

 

Mitt Romney There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. ... My job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives." -Mitt Romney, in leaked comments from a fundraiser in May 2012 I'm not familiar precisely with what I said, but I'll stand by what I said, whatever it was." —

 

 

Mitt Romney (May 17, 2012) Romney, in fact, wants to give away even more to the rich than Republicans in the House by permanently eliminating the estate tax – a proposal that alarmsr veterans of the first Bush administration. "Given the vast amounts of wealth that have accumulated at the very, very, very top, it's an odd time to be eliminating this most progressive element of the tax system," says Michael Graetz, a former deputy assistant Treasury secretary under Bush. Over a decade, Romney's gift to the nation's most fortunate families would allow their heirs to pocket at least $1 trillion (including up to $50 million for Mitt's own heirs)

Chard Beauregarde
Chard Beauregarde

Yeah, that's what every Rep blog tells you to believe, I get it. But, if you actually see how they cover their news versus what other news orgs, it's plain as day that they're at most centrist with a right-wing slant.

Jamers23
Jamers23

@MiamiNewTimes are you claiming to be a legitimate, bipartisan newspaper? Or are you accepting the fact that the Miami New Times are a joke?

MikeFCV
MikeFCV

@MiamiNewTimes ha! Let's see who's the bitch on Election Day!

Frank Castle
Frank Castle

Obama rocks...romney sucks, he is so fake

Tats Cabrera
Tats Cabrera

Ok, that made no sense. Actually they are completely left wing bias. Please, go check for yourself. Anyway, no point in arguing over here anymore. Clearly not doing enough research...

Chard Beauregarde
Chard Beauregarde

Everyone knows ABC and CNN are right-wing leaning. Hell, the first post-pres debate poll on CNN admitted that they polled more Republicans than Dems, so there you go.

Anthonyvop1
Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

Obama had to get the moderator to lie and cheat just to be in the same room as Romney.

 

Seriously.......after almost 4 years of Obama the economy is worse and our freedoms have been eroded and yet there are still people who support him.   I realize the entitlement class will vote for him but how can anyone else?

 

Tats Cabrera
Tats Cabrera

Haha fox news, really?? Who takes fox news seriously? Maybe instead of attacking and assuming why people belong to a certain party, you should focus on finding better websites. And I must mention ABC recently censored comments/jokes about Obama being communist. Since when are we censoring free speech??

miamitrev2
miamitrev2 topcommenter

My favorite thing about the MNT is the lengths they go to to remain unbiased

Chard Beauregarde
Chard Beauregarde

FOX managed to omit Mitt's complete answer on gun control. How;s that for your "truthful" organization?

Josh Everage
Josh Everage

Chad. Cuban exile moms, WELL said! And painfully true. The old and butt hurt leading the young and blind.

Juan R. Pollo
Juan R. Pollo

I turned it off when O brought up his single momma and his grandmomma. Game over.

Chard Beauregarde
Chard Beauregarde

Check your facts blind ass Repubs, maybe you'll finally see the truth and be persuaded to leave the party your Cuban exile moms and dads (misleadingly) hold so dear.

Denette Dixon
Denette Dixon

Maybe I was watching a different debate.... The one I saw BO didn't really answer anything, we got the ol sidestep roundabout stories again and again. Hype.

Tats Cabrera
Tats Cabrera

Its comments like the one Aldo made that make me sick and concerned about who actually is voting and voted for Mr. President. Blind obsession with no real facts. Take a look around. Last time I checked it gas prices are over 4$, but let's just blame that on Bush like Obama has been doing for the last 4 yrs and continues to do...

Danny Onate
Danny Onate

As per CNN poll.. Romney won. This is a bias post you guys made. Then again, not surprising coming from Miami New Times.

Cari Garcia
Cari Garcia

ATTA BOY! ::crushes beer can on forehead::

Aldo Malbec
Aldo Malbec

Obama did it well. Don't forget who your president is.

Tats Cabrera
Tats Cabrera

Please, enlighten us with all the lies and tell us the truth that you seem to know so well...?

Elliot C Boose
Elliot C Boose

I wish Brack would havve beat his ass on the stage for all those lies he keeps telling.

Tats Cabrera
Tats Cabrera

I still don't see how Obama "owned" Romney... Romney called him out on shit too. People seriously need to get a grip on themselves with this obsessiveness for the president. He is just as much a liar as the next guy...

Eugene Buck
Eugene Buck

Really? according to what poll? I guess your figures are just as incorrect as your readership.

MiamiHeatMV23
MiamiHeatMV23

@MikeFCV No need to wait until then @MiamiNewTimes revealed their true colors a long time ago

drakemallard
drakemallard topcommenter

 @Anthonyvop1 Romney encourages college students to borrow from parents Two-thirds of American students go into debt in order to get a college degree, and some estimates have put the national student loan debt at $1 trillion. In the past, Romney has revealed his indifference toward rising tuition costs by blithely telling students to “get as much education as they can afford,” “borrow money if you have to from your parents,” or join the military. Meanwhile, Romney has chosen a running mate who wants to gut Pell grants for more than 1 million students in the next decade. Obama, on the other hand, recently signed a bill to keep student loan interest rates from doubling.

drakemallard
drakemallard topcommenter

 @miamitrev2 "The blind trust is an age old ruse, if you will, which is to say, you can always tell a blind trust what it can and can not do. You give a blind trust rules"

HarryTheHandyman
HarryTheHandyman

 @miamitrev2 Yep!  They are the most unbiased paper EVER.  I thoroughly enjoy how they call out other biased media sources.

 

Barry Soetoro 2012!

Anthonyvop1
Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

 @drakemallard So now i am suppose to subsidize your poor financial decisions? 

   Thank you for providing more evidence that Romney was right about the 47%

 

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