Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Living on Borrowed Time
Every week, Riptide's crack team of employment termination scientists gauge just how fireable loathed Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland has become following his latest series of horrific blunders. So how close is the Ginger Menace to getting canned this week?
Yes, the Dolphins managed to outlast the Cincinnati Bengals over the weekend. No, this does not vindicate the Jeff Ireland Era.
What Horrible Thing Did Jeff Ireland Do This Week?
OK, so Jeff Ireland earned a minor reprieve this week from the Fire Jeff Ireland Watch Committee as the Dolphins managed to pull of a 17-13 win over a decent Bengals squad. But as with all things Jeff Ireland, he will surely screw something up very, very soon, so be patient. It will only be a matter of days before Jeff Ireland will be surely minding his own business before he accidentally insults a child stricken with cancer by calling him 'Curly' or mindlessly runs into a bunch of cops chasing after some bank robbers causing them to fall over one another or, you know, calls someone's mother a whore. This is the Jeff Ireland Way. It's like death, taxes, the moon and tides -- it's guaranteed. The man is going to fuck some shit up (and by "some shit," we generally mean our local, tradition-rich, professional football team).
So how Fireable is Jeff Ireland This Week?
Well, if you ask the geniuses over at #WAARF Records, he is still eminently fireable. As we told you about yesterday, the guys over at #WAARF (which stands for We Are All Ray Feinga, a Dolphins offensive lineman that has been mercilessly cut and resigned by Ireland roughly 3,923 times like the malicious, dream-crushing sonuvabitch he is) put together the parody video below set to the tune of Eminem's "My Name Is."
Given this most creative parody piece coupled with Chiefs fans copy-catting an idea some Dolphins fans put together earlier this year -- and factoring in the win using our complex algorithms -- our calculations reveal that even after the Bengals win and a quiet week from Jeff Ireland, the man is still a respectable 82 percent fireable at the moment. Good job, Jeffy Jeffy Jeff Ireland!