Heat Beat Celtics 120-107 in Season Opener, Receive Championship Rings

Categories: Sports
Aqui lo que importa es el CASH! Oh my, that is pretty. Isn't that pretty, Celtics/Knicks/Lakers fans? Look at that beautiful thing. How fuckin' glorious.

Your Miami Heat received these lovely, diamond-encrusted CHAMPIONSHIP rings last night just before their 120-107 dismantling of last year's Eastern Conference runner-up / team from Douchebag Nation USA, the Boston Celtics.

Ah, what a delicious night to be a Heat fan.  Things started off at about 7:30 ET with the ring ceremony and raising of the 2012 Championship banner.  No time for LOSERS, indeed.

After that INCREDIBLY CLASSY, EMOTIONALLY JARRING AND TOTALLY NOT SMUG-IN-ANY-WAY CEREMONY, the Heat proceeded to drop serious ass on the Celtics by unleashing unquenchable Hell fury upon the Celtics via steady doses of Wade, Bosh, new acquisition Ray Allen, a little Rashard Lewis and, of course, His Most Gracious and Impressive Master of the Royal Snake Penis, Sir CobraDick: LeBron James.

Like, ERRR MERR GERRR, dat looks like fun!

The Heat were nearly relentless on offense -- unleashing the full nastiness of their ever-evolving "Run 'n' Fun" offense with fast break testicular bludgeoning on turnovers, high-flying Kilimanjaro penile explosions on dunks and lethal additions from the Heat's suddenly-impressive bench that had Kevin Garnett wondering how long his alien race will require him to remain on Earth as part of his people's "experiment." (Because he looks like an old alien, you see.)

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Maybe now the Heat can start paying rent to the taxpayers for the AAA Arena?  15 years of being deadbeats is long enough.

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