Hurricane Sandy: A Message to the Northeast from Miami
Listen, we're kind of jealous. A hurricane comes towards Florida and it gets maybe a 30 second mention on CNN. One heads towards the Northeast, and it's at the top of the 24/7 news cycle. However, we're sensing you guys are kind of freaking out. Didn't you guys go through this last year? Come on, haven't you adopted a "whatever" attitude towards hurricanes yet?
Here's some helpful tips from us Floridians, grizzled Hurricane vets.
1. Calm the fuck down: you are not the first people to endure a hurricane
If I had a "I survived Hurricane ______" shirt for every storm I've endured, I could go for weeks at a time without doing laundry. I believe people in certain parts of Florida actually do this. As long as you're prepared there's nothing really to freak out about. Hurricane Sandy is only a Category One. Or as we call it Florida: regular summer weather with a bit more wind. You guys endure things like "blizzards" or whatever. You can handle some rain and wind.
2. Stop making memes
The fuck is wrong with you people? You've set up a site dedicated to Instagram photos of the storm. You're playing "Fuck, Marry, Kill" with weather reporters. You're Photoshopping the hell out of Sandra Dee from Grease. You've canonized a shirtless man in a horse mask. Stop. None of these are even funny. Get off your MacBook Pros and start preparing.