Miami Dolphins' Five Keys To Victory Versus Jets

Your Miami Dolphins, fresh off their bye week, travel to New Jersey to take on the dirty, stinkin' Jets in that cesspool of filth they call a stadium in the Meadowlands. Let's look at five keys for this Sunday's matchup:

1. Shaking Off The Rust
The bye week gives players the chance to heal up their bodies a little for the brutality of the rest of the season, coaches an extra week of preparation for the next opponent and players a chance to get away from football by posting uninteresting photos on Instagram. However, this bye week seems to have come at a bad time for the 3-3 Fins as they were fresh off a two-game winning streak and were riding a bit of momentum before the break. Miami is historically 13-10 in the game following the break since the bye week was installed in 1990 (1993 schedule had two bye weeks) so there's some decent history there for us to pull out a win against the hated Jets.

2. LaMontell Pussyhammer Giving Out Bitch Slaps
Ah, the welcomed game week trash-talk between the Dolphins and Jets returns. You gotta love it. Rex vs. Reggie, Reggie vs. that 'roid head LaRon Landry, LaRon talking smack right back and Reggie (aka LaMontell Pussyhammer) spittin' FIRE, vowing revenge for an interpreted 'hit' on Reggie during the last game. You gotta love this stuff especially after years where there wasn't much hatred between these two teams. THIS is what makes this rivalry special. Also, I expect a huge game from LaMontell on the back of all this fussin' and fightin' as well as the added rest of him during the bye week. He hasn't been exactly 'right' since that game but he's going to use his rather large penis to slap all 53 men on the Jets' active roster with great vengeance and furious anger!



(But, you know, instead of guns shooting it will be LaMontell's rather large member)