Black Friday: Here's Your Guide To The Incredibly Depressing Deals In the Marlins Clearance Section

It's Black Friday, the time of the year when online retailers try to dump a ton of inventory by marking it down and accepting pennies on the dollar for it. In other words, the likes of Best Buy and Wal-Mart do exactly what Jeffrey Loria does every other season. It's also the start of the Christmas shopping season, which means gift lists for family, friends, and anyone you want to bribe. It also means gifts for folks you don't actually like, from nagging in-laws to far removed cousins to your boss.

Thankfully, the Marlins are here to help with their online clearance section. What better way to say, "I simply don't care for you" then to give half-price jerseys of players dumped in a maddening fire sale? With that in mind, we here at Riptide would like to provide you with a Black Friday shopping guide to the saddest, most pathetic sports items available in Florida.

Item 1: Miami Marlins Authentic 2012 Jose Reyes Home Cool Base Jersey w/Inaugural Season Commemorative Patch
Price: $248.97
That's a lot of words for what amounts to a really expensive rag. It takes some chutzpah to sell jerseys for players who aren't on the team any more. But it takes some serious cojones to charge $250 for the jersey of a marquee free agent and franchise cornerstone who you trade less than a year after signing him.