Heat Edge Out Spurs' B-Team To 105-100 Win

The Heat managed to pull out a 105-100 victory last night despite the Spurs fielding a team without Manu Ginobli, Tony Parker or Tim Duncan -- all of which were sent home by Coach Gregg Poppovich to San Antonio after playing 4 games in the last 5 nights. Without San Antonio's own Big Three this figured to be a slaughter, but if you thought so you haven't watched much Miami Heat basketball this season.



Nooo, Admiral Ackbar. It wasn't a trap. It's just your typical, 2012 Miami Heat WE HAVE NEGATIVE FUCKS TO GIVE AT THIS POINT IN THE SEASON basketball! It's fun! We have four of the best 25 players in basketball on the same team and you know...FUCK IT WE'RE GONNA MAKE TONIGHT REALLY WEIRD FOR YOU. WHEEEEE!!!

Before the game, there was a big hullabaloo because Head Coach Gregg Popovich (aka THE GREATEST COACH OF ALL TIME THE ENTIRE NBA WANTS TO SUCK COMPLETELY DRY OF MAN MILK) troll'd the entire NBA sooo fucking hard by announcing that All Stars Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobli and Tony Parker would be flying home to rest after a 10-game road trip including 4 games in the last 5 nights. Why? Because FUCK YOU fans that paid $6,000 to sit on your hands and look really bored all game. Also, FUCK YOU to anyone betting on the over points-wise in this game because, yes, your knee caps are going to become a gelatinous mass of flesh. David Stern even issued a statement saying there would be 'substantial sanctions' against the Spurs for pulling the rug out from under what was supposed to be a matchup against two of the top teams in the NBA.

Pop's decision was met with hearty laughs by everyone with a rooting interest in this game because it was assumed the Heat would go JAMON on these guys and score 180 points but, lo and behold, the Heat's desire to actually give a single flying fuck immediately dissipated into methane gas as soon as the decision was announced.