Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Colts

Categories: Sports
This Sunday the Dolphins travel to Indianapolis to play the Colts and Andrew Luck -- the girl many Dolphins fans wanted to take to the prom, but she was too unattainable so she laughed in our faces in front of the whole cafeteria as chocolate milk sprayed out of our nostrils in embarrassment.

Let's look at five keys for this Sunday's matchup.

1. Tannehill vs Luck?
The first premiere matchup of the year between two highly-touted QBs from this year's draft. In one corner, Andrew Luck -- the boy wonder QB from Stanford that was the consensus No. 1 overall pick coming out of college and a guy A LOT of Dolphins wanted to be wearing aqua and coral for the next 10-15 years. In the other corner, the surprising Ryan Tannehill who has come along nicely and shown a tremendous amount of promise, improvement and poise in his first 7 games. Many thought he wouldn't start until his second year, but the kid has shown tremendous moxie and has been a big reason why the Dolphins are 4-3, having won their last three games in a row.

The prognosis for Tannehill playing is still uncertain so here's to hoping we get our chance to see this matchup: between the hotass girl everyone wanted to fuck but laughed at us and the girl (Tannehill) that cleaned up our face, picked up our chin and gave us a Kleenex to wipe away all the snot and sorrow. Yeah, that sexy awesome chick with the big rack, amazing future and rich dad is a once-in-a-lifetime looker but we've all come around to loving our girl because she, too, is awesome and is fuckin' OURS.

Serious hats-off to Matt Moore, who played last week like a true vet in leading our team to victory over the hated Jets and is by all accounts a pretty cool dude, but we CANNOT have a puppet painstakingly carved by a 15th Century Belgian artisan behind center. We need this Tannehill-Luck showdown for the sanctity of our hearts and minds. Otherwise, Sunday is going to be 50 percent this:

Now how depressing does that look?

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Goddamn it. "Moxie" just isn't used enough these days.


Holy shit, "Divorce Puppets" just blew my mind, man. 

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