Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Titans

Categories: Sports
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After two weeks on the road, the Dolphins are back home to face a 3-6 Titans team that ranks near the bottom of the NFL standings on both offense and defense and is a team mired in uncertainty about its future. Will our passing defense display the tenacity of a canned wet fart once again or can we get back to our winning ways against fair to midland shitty teams? Let's look at some keys.

But, first, a message from Admiral Ackbar:

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Ah, yes. The time-honored, annual tradition of the Dolphins losing a game to a very shitty team is well within our reach and the Titans certainly fit that mold. Losing record? Check. No possibility of making the playoffs? Check.On the road against a pretty hot, young, chic-pick team? Check. Recently got blown out by 50 points? Check. Owner subsequently called out the team and threatened sweeping changes to the entire organization? Check. This is a dangerous team for the Dolphins and there's no reason to take the crappyness of their defense, quarterback situation or the disappearing act of their jittery, former All Pro running back for granted.

1. Figure Out Why The Passing Defense is Rhinoceros Vomit
Defensive Coordinator Kevin Coyle and company need to straighten this out ASAP. Maybe not this week against Jake Locker who is expected to start) because we tend to do well against shitty, shitty quarterback play but very soon before we start playing the Tom Brady's of the world. If Andrew Luck nearly dropped 5 hundy on us, you can only imagine what Brady will do to us with Welker, Gronk and Hernandez out there. Yeesh. By the way, nice job on Richard Marshall, Jeff Ireland. THAT'S the mark of a good GM, folks: Not ONE free agent acquisition from this year is on the active roster. Not ONE.

2. Get The Fuckin' Running Game Goin', Man!
Somehow, the Dolphins have Reggie Bush (a Heisman trophy winner), Daniel Thomas (a guy deemed worthy enough to move up into the second round to get last draft because OMGZZZ SOMEONEZ WILL TAKEZ HIMZ!) and Lamar Miller (who we all know has tremendous speed and vision but can't block your 6-year-old sister) and yet we have somehow drifted away from the run game. It's supposed to be about 80 degrees on Sunday and let's all hope the Dolphins remember what their bread and butter is. The more yards we gain on the ground, the more clock we chew up, the more tired Tennessee gets and the less we need to rely on Tannehill to make plays to our mostly shitty receiving corps. IT'S SCIENCE.



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