Miami Dolphins Five Keys To Victory Versus Patriots

Categories: Sports
brady golf.jpg

Let's not kid ourselves.

There's a very good chance Tom Brady and Co. are going to come in to Sun Life on Sunday and absolutely destroy the living crap out of our football team. However, the one thing we have going for us is that (hopefully) no one on our team will ever look like as much of a dork as this golf photo or as incredibly awkward and douche-y as in this commercial.

I don't know what writers or producers from the 1983 film The Outsiders they hired for this awkward piece of shit but I'm pretty sure they lost whatever target audience they were hoping for. Let's take a look at some keys:

1. All About Tom Brady
What do A.J. Feeley, Joey Harrington and Chad Henne have in common? Oddly enough, all those guys beat Tom Brady in Miami. Ordinarily, rookie Ryan Tannehill wouldn't want to be part of that crappy company but -- for the purposes of this game -- he surely does. Brady has always had a weirdly up-and-down relationship with playing in Miami and if we can catch him off his game (despite the fact his team is playing very, very well right now) then there's a small glimmer of a quark's chance we can actually beat these guys on Sunday. Rattling Brady early and often and putting his pretty boy, weird 50s cut, jeans-rolled-up-at-the-bottom ass on the ground is the best way to throw him off his game.

2. Our Abysmal Secondary Needs to Try and Hold it Together
All-Pro tight end Rob Gronkowski is out for the Pats, which is great, but unfortunately the Patriots (and their #1-ranked offense) have about 613 other options on offense they can go to. It's going to be a real test for this 26th-ranked pass defense (the signing of veteran Michael Coe won't do much) to try and stop Brady and Co. If defensive coordinator Kevin Coyle knows the name of any guys with names that end in vowels that work in waste management, now might be a good time to reach out to them and get an 'estimate' for their services.


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3 comments
Tatiana Amaro
Tatiana Amaro

No... No they can't!! But as a true fan hell yea!!! We can take over the world!!

DatRoroKid
DatRoroKid

@Section411 @miaminewtimes - they are like ghosts! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *scary ghost sound*

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