Miami Dolphins Five Keys To Victory Versus Patriots

Categories: Sports

3. If Brady is Going to Kill Us, Fine; But Don't Let Ridley Do It Too
On an offense with guys like Brady, Welker, Gronk, Hernandez and OOOH MYYY GWAAAWWD DAAAAHHNNY FAAAHHKIN WOOODHEEAAAHD, running back Stevan Ridley doesn't get a ton of press. But don't be fooled: this kid is the real deal and one of the more shrewd picks by Belichick and the front office in recent years. Ridley is on his way to a 1,000 yard season and has 8 TDs so far. The Dolphins D will need to control the line of scrimmage to have any chance in this game. Randy 'Bang Bus' Starks and Paul Soliai must be huge in this game to try and make the Pats even somewhat one-dimensional -- until their tight ends explode on our linebackers for 13 TDs in a game.

4. Their Passing Defense is Actually Shittier Than Our Passing Defense
That may very well be hard to believe considering how often this year you have yelled at Sean Smith after he kinda nonchalantly skipped over to a player catching a touchdown to push him to the ground then raced to Twitter post-game to let you know how that wasn't his fault, yo smdh, but it is true.

Sean Smith (@SeanSMITH24)
Lol so you thought that TD was my fault huh? Thass crazy....

Our receivers are as generally fearful as a box of free kittens at your local Publix but there will be pockets in that defense for Tannehill to throw to - you know, considering the Patriots are just another team and all. NO BIG DEAL. But if Tannehill can pull off what Henne and those other dumb dicks did against the Pats then -- we not only keep our season alive -- but Tanny Boy earns another Lexington Steele sticker for his helmet.

5. Traveling Patriots Fans Are The Worst
You know the type. Older, khakis, annoying Boston accents, either a Pat Patriot cap or some dumbass golf brand you have no idea about. And white. Ooooh so very, very, very white. Gleaming white. For anyone going to the game, we send you much love and patience as you try to hold yourself back from kicking their smug-ass teeth in.

Your Miami Dolphins take on the New England Patriots this Sunday at 1 p.m. at Sun Life.

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3 comments
Tatiana Amaro
Tatiana Amaro

No... No they can't!! But as a true fan hell yea!!! We can take over the world!!

DatRoroKid
DatRoroKid

@Section411 @miaminewtimes - they are like ghosts! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *scary ghost sound*

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