Mugshots Friday: A Visit From Captain Morgan And A Coke-Dealing Granny

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.

Arrested: 11/23
Charged with: Drinking in public
This is the third time this guy's been in Mugshots Friday in four months, and he's had a different, tremendous earring each time. I want to pitch a TV show where this dude and I spring surprise makeovers on people in line at the DMV or in a Wal-Mart shopping lot or in the restaurants on Ocean Drive in South Beach. This man has some serious fashion sense.

Arrested: 11/28
Charged with: Battery (warrant case)
A note: If you're going to get a tattoo that says "I'm the Boss, Bitch," it would help to avoid situations in which you are not the boss of bitches, like, say, getting arrested for battery. Besides, Miami's not big enough for two bawses.

Arrested: 11/28
Charged with: Possession of cocaine with intent to sell
Keep in mind, this woman is 71 years old and got busted slinging yeyo, probably as the queenpin of some huge retirement-home coke empire that ruled South Florida's elderly scene. And then when she gets arrested, she throws a puppy-dog look at the camera, complete with clasped hands, as if all she'd been caught doing were jaywalking or something. See? This is a real boss of bitches.