Dolphins Throttle Jaguars 24-3 As Tannehill, Bush Thrive

Categories: Sports
Oh hooray! The Dolphins beat a pathetic two-win team to prolong our chances for an evenly average season. Fantastic. Ryan Tannehill played flawlessly, Reggie Bush threw down his anaconda sexual organ and the Dolphins trampled a pathetic Jaguars team 24-3. Woooooooooooo!

The Dolphins played a virtually perfect game on offense and defense -- about three weeks too late. But, still, it was fun to watch and beat up on a lesser opponent with two wins and no quarterback. Luckily, we survived the possibility of a 'Chad Henne revenge game' and Jeff Ireland's reign of terror continues for another week.

This game was positively narcoleptic for three quarters but we'll hit the highlights anyway:

- The Dolphins beat a lesser opponent handily, Chad Henne played like the Chad Henne we all know and hate and Ryan Tannehill had a bounceback performance.

- The game started off with an enormous amount of pathetic football. So much so the Surgeon General considered the game itself a Class A illegal narcoleptic because of the sleep-inducing non-action. Congressional subcommittees met to discuss its relevance for days. Ultimately, action picked up once a Tannehill fumble deep in our own territory yielded an opportunity for the Jags to go up 10-3. Unfortunately for our future draft prospects, the Jags are JUST as stupid as our own team and committed a rare 'illegal-lineman-downfield-penalty' that negated a 22-yard Henne to Justin Blackmon pass that would have put the Jags up 10-3. Instead, the Jags went for it on 4th and 1 and got nowhere. SMART FOOTBALL!

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help

As much as I tried not to, I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for The Robot.

Coming back to the manufacturer from where he was originally assembled...Only to have the same malfunctions go wrong on offense (lineman not knowing what the hell they're doing...RBacks not being able to get a single yard...ect) that plagued him while he was here.

You know he didn't withhold any malice towards us, because that actually would require him to possess a heart, and actual feelings.

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault