Miami Dolphins Five Keys To Victory Versus Jaguars

Categories: Sports
Ah, the Battle for Florida.

Former Dolphin Chad 'The Robot' Henne vs. Ryan 'Tanny Boyeee' Tannehill! Revenge for 62-7! Vindication for the loud, smelly fart that 2012 has proven to be! A chance to avoid a fourth losing season in five years! Tough-nosed, physical ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yeah, there's literally nothing at all to be excited about with this game but nonetheless here we are - trying to enjoy the last gasp of 2012 Dolphins football, hoping Ryan Tannehill begins to once again show the flashes of possible greatness he exhibited earlier in the season and trying to fight off another losing season.

Oh yeah, and hoping Chad Henne doesn't go all Raiders Daunte Culpepper on us.


1. As Stated Several Times Now, No Chad Henne 'Fuck You Revenge' Game
Not to brag but we've unfortunately been right a lot lately in these previews (too much, in fact) so we say that this is No. 1 with a bullet, unequivocally. DO NOT LET CHAD HENNE GO ALL DAUNTE CULPEPPER ON US. He is not a good quarterback and we need to stop being the whipping boy for every crazy highlight or fucked up play or historical benchmark AGAINST us. Write it 78 times on the blackboard, Bart Simpson. NO. NO NO NONONONONONONONO.

2. Which Team Can Out-Crappy The Other
Let's face it: both these teams are terrible. They both rank at the bottom or near the bottom in offensive and defensive numbers. It's like watching two blind children attempting to make out for the first time. These teams are embarrassingly bad but one team will supercede the other for 'Most Crappy' on Sunday. This will likely happen via some embarrassing play or series of fuck ups. It's going to happen. It's only a matter of who.

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