Miami's Very Own Christmas Carol... Including Snow You Can Snort
Six Northwestern High School drummers drumming (in a raunchy music video alongside a porn star).
Seven busty "B-girls" swindling drunkards.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Eight percent unemployment (that's an improvement!).
|Illustration by Mike Ray|
Nine politicians a-repenting (for selling us out to shady stadium pusher Jeffrey Loria).
10 years in prison for Buju Banton (for allegedly conspiring to traffic cocaine -- see, we told you we'd get yeyo in here somehow)
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
11 seasons of Ricky Williams (before he retired to become a homeopathic healer).
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
11 seasons of Ricky
10 years for Buju
Nine repentant pols
Eight percent unemployment
Seven busty B-girls
Six drummers drumming
Five day suspension
Four Halloween stabbings
Two NBA trophies
And a manatee molester in Tampa Bay.