Miami's Very Own Christmas Carol... Including Snow You Can Snort

Categories: WTF Florida
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...



Six Northwestern High School drummers drumming (in a raunchy music video alongside a porn star).

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On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Seven busty "B-girls" swindling drunkards.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Eight percent unemployment (that's an improvement!).

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Illustration by Mike Ray
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Nine politicians a-repenting (for selling us out to shady stadium pusher Jeffrey Loria).

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On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

10 years in prison for Buju Banton (for allegedly conspiring to traffic cocaine -- see, we told you we'd get yeyo in here somehow)

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

11 seasons of Ricky Williams (before he retired to become a homeopathic healer).

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

12 Marlins stars sold for nothing...

11 seasons of Ricky
10 years for Buju
Nine repentant pols
Eight percent unemployment
Seven busty B-girls
Six drummers drumming
Five day suspension
Four Halloween stabbings
Three Occu-terrorists
Two NBA trophies
And a manatee molester in Tampa Bay.

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Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes. Follow this journalist on Twitter @MikeMillerMiami.

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