Florida State vs. Northern Illinois: The 2013 Orange Bowl Haters Guide

Categories: Sports
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Tonight, the Orange Bowl, once one of the premier college bowl games in the land, continues its sad slope into mediocrity by featuring the champion of the worst big conference that will actually exist in a few years (sorry Big East) and a BCS buster no one cared about or gave much credit to until pretty much the last week of the regular season. A BCS buster that won't even be coached by the guy who got them here, because he took the first mediocre job that was offered to get out of Northern Illinois. The fact that it will be completely overshadowed by the BCS Championship game, to be played in the same stadium next week, only adds to local indifference.

And yet, it's a local tradition. So let's pretend to even care enough to break it down.

The Florida State Seminoles (ACC Champs, 11-2)

Why you should root for them?
Because, your SAT scores weren't good enough for UF so you had to go here. Like, really we can't figure out why anyone else who lives in Florida would root for them, because chances are if you're not alum you hate the 'Noles with your entire being. Pan-Floridian pride doesn't really exist. In the case of 'Canes fans, sure, it would look bad if your conferences champs lost to some team no one has ever heard of would be embarrassing, but there's not really any thing as ACC pride either.

Why you should root against them?
Because they're the 'Noles. Because their coaches name is Jimbo. Because you know there's some fans out there who were really excited about the whole Penn State scandal because it made Bobby the most winningest coach in college football history. Because they have the least amount of national championships of the state's big three and still act like they're the best. Because even during their best year in recent memory they still managed to fuck it up by losing to North Carolina State. Yes, a North Carolina State team that had such an otherwise sucky year they fired their coach and hired the guy who coached some team called NIU.

Will they win?
Probably. Unless they go wide on a few field goals. It's been none to happen.

The Northern llinois Huskie (MAC Champs, 12-1)

Why you should root for them?
Because you love an underdog. Because you went to any other school in Florida. Because you love making outrageous sports bets and don't want to get your ass beat by your bookie tomorrow.

Why you should root against them?
Who the hell even is this team? Don't the Huskies play in Connecticut? There are other areas of Illinois besides the Chicago are? What is a MAC?

Do you know that they've fielded a football team since 1899, and we're pretty sure know one even know they did so until the last few years. In fact, I don't think anyone had even heard of this team until they woke up one day, found out they somehow wound up in a BCS bowl, and said to themselves, "Well, whatever, it's just the Orange Bowl."

Will they win?
Any game that actually gives this team national attention is already a moral victory.

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