Miami Dolphins 2012 Season Recap: The Highs, the Lows, the Ireland

Categories: Sports
Now that we're firmly entrenched in another playoff season without the Miami Dolphins and the pain of Stephen Ross's absurd season-ending press conference on Monday has faded, it's the perfect time for a cold, hard, slightly inebriated look back at the 2012 season.

Ultimately, it was yet another disappointing year as the team finished 7-9 yet again. But there's some hope as we enter the offseason into free agency and the draft.

Unlike other South Florida mainstream sports media, we will not spend much more time here going over Ross' press conference the other day. We've already done that to some degree and I heard that poor writer was committed recently. There's no way to know what that CLEARLY INSANE BILLIONAIRE GARGOYLE is thinking with regards to the team by parsing a press conference that was altogether contradictory, rambling and delusional. Instead, let's hand out some awards and make some dick jokes deriding our perennial ineptitude and celebrating our (likely false) sense of hope going into 2013, shall we? LET'S HIT IT!

Best / Worst Moments of the 2012 Season

Best: The Dolphins came in to the Meadowlands and destroyed a dysfunctional Jets team 30-9, just before Hurricane Sandy swoops in to batter the East Coast. That was the Dolphins' third win in a row and times were good despite a scary Tannehill injury during the game.

Worst: (It's a Tie!)
(1) The Dolphins suffer their worst home loss since 1968 when they're crushed by a 3-6 Titans team, 37-3. At the time, the Dolphins were 4-5 and still firmly in the Wild Card playoff race. The loss reinforced the idea that the 2012 Dolphins were far and away from being a playoff team, both on the field and on the sidelines. An embarrassing loss to a bad team at home when we needed a win -- these are things "good teams" don't do.

(2) Despite being up in convincing fashion against a Jaguars team with Chad Fucking Henne at quarterback for crissakes, the Dolphins try an incredibly stupid, wonderfully hilarious and completely pointless fake FG that fails miserably. Easily the most Dolphins play of 2012.

Best / Worst Free Agent Signing or Draft Pick

Best: Hands down: picking Ryan Tannehill with the 8th overall pick of the 2012 draft. GET PUMPED!

Worst: Drafting Michael Egnew with one of the third round picks the Dolphins acquired from the Bears for Brandon Marshall. It was an abysmal pick, especially considering Egnew mostly worked out of the slot like a bigger WR-type at Missouri, he was yelled at constantly and nearly cried on Hard Knocks like some Kendall emo kid that listens to Korn and draws 'graphic novels' he never finishes and, worst of all, insiders have claimed that the guy is a straight up 'pussy'. A horrendous pick by Ireland that has just as many NFL catches as your Abuelita Cuco and particularly unforgiving considering the Colts chose an impact player like TY Hilton 14 picks later.

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chrisjoseph13 writer

"I heard that poor writer was committed recently."

This is true.

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