What Will Become Of John McAfee, Marco Rubio and Jeffrey Loria?
What will happen in 2013 to capture people's attention? Who will do something to make us say, "WTF?" Well, I have some predictions:
• The NCAA won't impose severe sanctions on the Miami Hurricanes football program. The school will lose a couple of scholarships but will get to play in a bowl game. In fact, Miami will play for the national title.
• Wily multimillionaire John McAfee won't have to go back to Belize to answer questions about his neighbor's death. He will settle into a new mansion on Star Island and make himself our new local hero when he buys the Miami Marlins from Jeffrey Loria.
• Chad Johnson will move to Los Angeles to become an adult film star named Ocho Mandingo. Chad wasn't kidding about doing porn if football didn't work out. A teaser of his new career already leaked last week when WorldStarHipHop published photos of Chad banging a stripper.
• Katherine Fernandez Rundle will pardon former Miami-Dade County Commissioner Joe Gersten, who skipped town 20 years ago to avoid charges of perjury and making a false police report for lying about how his Mercedes-Benz got jacked.
• Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Gimenez and county commissioners will approve taxpayer monies to build a retractable roof for the Miami Dolphins' stadium. They will also give team owner Stephen Ross permission to partner with Genting to build a Jimmy Buffett-themed casino.
• Miami Herald reporters won't make it to any breaking news events because they will be stuck in traffic near the new headquarters in Doral.
• Miami Commissioner Marc Sarnoff will be named grand marshal of the annual Martin Luther King Jr. parade.
• Marco Rubio will grow a bushy mustache so he can look more "Mexican" and appeal to non-Cuban Hispanics.
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