Yesterday, Buzzfeed laid out 43 reasons why "growing up in Florida was heaven on Earth."
We can't necessarily disagree. Pool noodles, manatees, and free Publix sugar cookies were great and all, but we feel like it's not so much the joys but rather the shared pains that truly unite a people.
So we've taken it upon ourselves to list 43 reasons why growing up in Florida could also be hell on Earth. We do this not to disparage our great state, but because we feel the need to commemorate and recognize the great quasi-First-World struggles of our childhood.
1. You were repeatedly subjected to one of the most horrific interrogations ever devised by man.2. You can't climb or build tree houses in a palm tree.3. Your young eyes were regularly exposed to sights likes the one below.4. Leaving perfectly good candy in places where it could melt was a reoccurring tragedy.5. Learning how to spell the state's capital was a Herculean task.6. The state is full of weird place names no third-grader should ever be asked to spell.7. In the summer, your skin was covered either in nasty mosquito bites you weren't supposed to scratch...8. ...or nasty sunburns that were too painful to touch.9. And to avoid either you needed to hold still while your parents covered you in nasty-smelling chemicals.10. Because even if it was 90 degrees outside, your classroom was kept so chilly you'd freeze to death if you didn't bring one of these to school: