43 Reasons Why Growing Up in Florida Was Hell on Earth (But We Loved It Anyway)

Categories: WTF Florida
31. Actually, you couldn't get to your friend's house in the first place if it was more than 15 minutes away by bike because you'd sweat to death.
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33. Even if you could survive the guard gate and the sweat, you couldn't find your friend's house anyway because the homes all looked the same and were arranged in a maze-like configuration.
island walk, naples - Google Maps.jpg
via Google Maps
34. Some of your childhood friends grew up to be the stars of WTF Florida stories (or might as well be)

Florida Teen Called 911 to Report That His Dreams Were Real After Smoking Synthetic Marijuana - Miami - News - Riptide 2.0.jpg
35. The football always landed in the Brazilian pepper bush.

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via Wikicommons
36. Playtime was always cut short by rain.

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via LST1984's Flickr
37. There was always that one little shit in your class whose parents took her to Disney three or four times a year and let everyone else know about it, and you hated her.
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via Richardstep's Flickr
38. Chlorine eyes were the worst.

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via MemeGene
39. Despite the fact all the old-school Nickelodeon and Disney shows were filmed here, you never, ever casually ran into the stars and became BFFs with them like you secretly dreamed you would. So close, yet so far away.

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40. You sure as hell wished you could have taken a shower after the few times your gym class actually left the gymnasium and went outside into that gross, sticky heat , but that didn't mean you were actually going to do it.

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41. You're ridiculously embarrassed of all the bands that came out of Florida you actually liked as a kid (ahem, Vanilla Ice, Marilyn Manson, Creed, Limp Bizkit, Backstreet Boys, Dashboard Confessional, New Found Glory, etc., etc., etc.)

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42. Because at least one teacher at one of your schools got arrested or fired for something really, really shady.

South Florida teacher accused of offering oral sex to police officer after DUI arrest - Sun Sentinel.jpg
via Sun Sentinel
43. Because you will forever have to defend the honor of your home state against the rest of America.

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But fuck those people! They don't know what we've been through! How dare they! We may have been born in the swampy penis of America, but we survived and we are stronger and more interesting people than you ever will be because of it.

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6 comments
paul
paul

I moved from Miami to Maryland three years ago and have only seen it snow here a couple of times. I've come to realize that peoplen who think it's always cold and snowy "Up North" are just as clueless as those who think hurricanes are constantly bearing down on South Florida. It just isn't like that at all.

maryannemisener
maryannemisener

Thanks for making me laugh right out loud. Each reason is so true!! Love Florida - no place else to be!

j.pollo
j.pollo

Chilly classrooms? Elementary and middle schools (junior high at the time) didn't get A/C til the late 70s/early 80s.

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