43 Reasons Why Growing Up in Florida Was Hell on Earth (But We Loved It Anyway)
Categories: WTF Florida
31. Actually, you couldn't get to your friend's house in the first place if it was more than 15 minutes away by bike because you'd sweat to death.
33. Even if you could survive the guard gate and the sweat, you couldn't find your friend's house anyway because the homes all looked the same and were arranged in a maze-like configuration.
34. Some of your childhood friends grew up to be the stars of WTF Florida stories (or might as well be)
35. The football always landed in the Brazilian pepper bush.
36. Playtime was always cut short by rain.
37. There was always that one little shit in your class whose parents took her to Disney three or four times a year and let everyone else know about it, and you hated her.
38. Chlorine eyes were the worst.
39. Despite the fact all the old-school Nickelodeon and Disney shows were filmed here, you never, ever casually ran into the stars and became BFFs with them like you secretly dreamed you would. So close, yet so far away.
40. You sure as hell wished you could have taken a shower after the few times your gym class actually left the gymnasium and went outside into that gross, sticky heat , but that didn't mean you were actually going to do it.
41. You're ridiculously embarrassed of all the bands that came out of Florida you actually liked as a kid (ahem, Vanilla Ice, Marilyn Manson, Creed, Limp Bizkit, Backstreet Boys, Dashboard Confessional, New Found Glory, etc., etc., etc.)
42. Because at least one teacher at one of your schools got arrested or fired for something really, really shady.
43. Because you will forever have to defend the honor of your home state against the rest of America.
But fuck those people! They don't know what we've been through! How dare they! We may have been born in the swampy penis of America, but we survived and we are stronger and more interesting people than you ever will be because of it.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
 |
 |
| via Google Maps |
 |
 |
| via Wikicommons |
 |
| via LST1984's Flickr |
 |
| via Richardstep's Flickr |
 |
| via MemeGene |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| via Sun Sentinel |
 |
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
Email to Friend
Write to Editor
Print Article
