From Beyond the Grave, Hugo Chavez Takes Credit for First South American Pope

Categories: Venezuela
Thumbnail image for hugoChavez200.jpg
Excited about the first pope from Latin America? Well, apparently you have recently deceased Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez to thank. At least that's according to his handpicked successor and interim president, Nicolas Maduro.

Maduro is theorizing that Chávez went up to Heaven and made arrangements with Jesus himself to ensure the new pope would be from South America.

"We know that our commander ascended to those heights and is face-to-face with Christ," Maduro said last night on national television. "Something must have influenced [Jesus] to call for a South American pope... Some new hand arrived, and Christ said, 'Now is the opportunity for South America,' it seems to us."

Maduro continued by theorizing that Chávez would "call a constitutional assembly in Heaven at any moment to change the [Catholic] church on Earth so the people -- the pure people of Christ -- may govern the world."

We tended to fall asleep anytime our lapsed Catholic mother dragged us to church out of guilt, so we're not all that familiar with the religion, but isn't this a little bit, uh, blasphemous? Suggesting that a political figure is so great he's literally gone up to Heaven and is giving Jesus directions is probably against some commandment or another.

Maduro is heavily invested in keeping the cult of personality of Chávez alive (at least until he wins his own election outright), but this is ridiculous.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
Exiliado topcommenter

Chavez was the ultimate moron, but not anymore.

The maduro guy is now trying to break each and every record of ridiculous stupidity set by his mentor. The saddest and worst part is that there will be Venezuelans voting for this doofus.


What a crock of shit, Chavez is in Hell where he belongs & God would never answer the door for that prick. Just released, Venezuela is the second most unfriendly country to visit in the world. Boliva is 1, Russia 3rd.

Kzm Ufc
Kzm Ufc

LOL (Ah, how the press plays with the mind!!) LOL

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault