Five Free Agents the Miami Dolphins Must Try to Sign

Categories: Sports
3. TE Dustin Keller 
Estimated cost: About $6 million per year

Last year, the Dolphins drafted TE Michael Egnew to be a passing threat down the seam to complement the blocking/pick-and-pop game of Anthony Fasano -- and Egnew promptly spent the entire season on the bench drawing sad, emo pictures of anime heroes slicing Coach Philbin in half with a katana blade. That's just not going to cut it, especially when the top-tier talent available in the draft at the TE position is not exactly worthy of a No. 12 overall pick but will also be gone by the time the Dolphins choose again in the second round.

Instead of all that nonsense, why not spend some of that cheddar getting a proven tight end who can help your quarterback in the passing game (especially on third downs), stretch the field in the seam, AND take talent away from those dirty, stinkin' Jets. How awesome would it be to let this guy go JAMON against the Jets twice a year? This is a total win-win for the Dolphins. And Keller, coming off a bad year when he had career lows in receptions, yards, and TDs, might come at a slightly cheaper price than his stats warrant. Also, poor Keller had to play with the rampant idiocy of Mark "Buttfumble" Sanchez every day for the past four years. Who knows what this dude's ceiling actually is? Do it, Dolphins!

4. DE Cliff Avril
Estimated cost: About $10 million per year

Since 2008, the Dolphins have drafted roughly 17,591 defensive linemen and all of maybe ONE of them would be a starter on other GOOD NFL teams. Cam Wake was obtained from the CFL as a free agent and has been a monster -- but the Kraken can't do it alone; he needs some help, folks. Solution: Go out and get Cliff Avril. Is he pricey? Yes. Is he slightly unproven against the run? Sure, but that's what those other big dorks are for in Miami's front seven. This guy is young, and above all else is one hell of a disruptive pass rusher. We need someone to team with Cam Wake and knock Tom Brady's pituitary gland through his rectum. The Dolphins have no cornerbacks worth a shit on their roster as of right now, so putting pressure on the QB in the upcoming season will be paramount to their success. Go after this young, nasty stud badass mothercow of a physical FREAK. Also, he'd perfectly complement our scheme in the 4-3.

5. Ed Reed
Estimated cost: $6-$7 million per year

I don't even need to put a highlight reel here for Ed Reed, because the dude's entire NFL career has been one giant highlight reel. Yes, he's old. Yes, his hip is banged up. Yes, he might play only two more seasons. But you know what else he is? A bona fide ballhawk who would benefit a team that is completely bereft of them (outside of burgeoning talent Reshad Jones). Bring Reed (perhaps one of the top three greatest players in UM history) back to Miami, team him up with Jones, sit back, pour yourself a Scotch, order two Scarlett's dancers, and laugh as you watch the interceptions pile up. He'll be pricey, and his body has felt the wear and tear of a loooooong and successful NFL career. But this is not Cris Carter, people; this guy will make plays for us and show a very, very young defense how to be professionals in this league. This guy BREATHES football and is still hungry to play (a change of scenery might help), and all indications are that he might be headed for New England. You want to play against Ed Reed twice a year (on a team with that human douchenozzle, Tom Brady) instead of having him on YOUR Dolphins?

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Denison Wiedman
Denison Wiedman

they always find a way to f things up. if you wanna learn how to run a bad business study these guys in class

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