Marlins Fans Start White House Petition to Force Out Jeffrey Loria
Breaking news: People want Jeffrey Loria to sell the Marlins. So much so, in fact, that someone has started an official White House petition to pass legislation that would force Loria to sell the team and allow him to get right back to selling artwork full time.
"We call upon congress to create legislation that requires any major league sports franchise that operates within the United States, who take public tax money to help build a stadium or arena, must maintain a competitive payroll at all times, of at least 90% of the entire leagues average opening day payroll for the previous five years, for the first ten years after taking said money, and the failure to do so would invoke proceedings upon which the governing body of the league, in which the franchise in question resides, would be forced to immediately buy said franchise for fair market value, and the ownership group in question would be forced to sell it to them without dispute."We the people would also like to invite Jeffrey Loria to a dick-on-pumpernickel sandwich.
The petition requires 100,000 signatures by May 8 to receive an official response from the White House. In true Marlins-fan-protest fashion, a grand total of 25 people have signed the petition thus far, although the team might tell you it's 34,000-plus: