Marlins' Terrible Home-Run Sculpture Cost More Than Most of Their Roster

Categories: Sports
Hope you're psyched for Opening Day, Miami! Your hometown Marlins are off to a roaring start. If by "roaring," you mean they're tied for the worst record in baseball, have scored just 14 runs in six games, and are so desperate for a first-baseman they held open auditions yesterday, that is.

Just in case the 13 people heading to Marlins Park tonight aren't properly full of rage, USA Today has dug up this fun factoid: That eyeball-scorching centerfield statue -- nicknamed the "Tremenda Mierda Fountain" by Riptide's fine readers -- cost more than almost everyone on the team's roster this year.

Team owner Jeffrey Loria spent $2.5 million to commission the fountain from pop artist Red Grooms.

On the Marlins' roster, only Ricky Nolasco ($11.5 million), Placido Polanco ($2.75 million), and Adeiny Hechavarria ($2.75 million) make more than the Tremenda Mierda cost.

Great investment! Then again, not even Mike Stanton can pinwheel dolphins around while vomiting water dozens of feet into the air (OR CAN HE?).

The Marlins have started the year 1-5, and all the well-publicized fears about how a team hitting either Polanco or Greg Dobbs in the clean-up spot could possibly score runs have been borne out by the early-season struggles. The team didn't score a run until its third game, and -- other than a seven-run outburst in its only win against the Mets -- hasn't topped three runs in a contest.

They'll try to turn that around against the Braves at 7:10 tonight.

Feel free to purchase your own commemorative license plate for the occasion (via Billy Corben's Twitter)

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16 comments
Brandon Stoltzfus
Brandon Stoltzfus

No comment. You need to stop hating. Loria is an ass but you still can support the team.

Monty Blair
Monty Blair

Can We Trade the Statue for more prospects?

Rob Morgan
Rob Morgan

I just ranted on my wall about not attending today...I STILL continue to support the team in my own way via TV/radio but REFUSE to give any money to a man who has LIED, CHEATED, and is STEALING money from this community! I support our players just don't support the owner!....Mickey Arison PLEASE BUY OUR TEAM!

Gil Guedes
Gil Guedes

i used to love the marlins....now idc

Anthony Jimenez
Anthony Jimenez

free tickets for military members.. lol kids under 12 eat free... Buy a ticket get one free... lol sorry ass owner cant sell tickets

Jeff Smith
Jeff Smith

I would have cared, but I stopped being a Marlins fan. I got tired of having to learn 9 new players names each season after the team gets traded away.

Matt Berhman
Matt Berhman

Breaking News: Stadium fixtures cost more than a hand full of players at the bottom end of teams' payrolls.

Andy Wamsley
Andy Wamsley

I like the homerun sculpture and think that complaining about it takes away from the serious problems with this team: that Jeffrey Loria lied to Miami in order to get public financing for his park. Bitching about the homerun sculpture is like making short jokes about David Samson. It just totally misses the real and legitimate issues which are infuriating.

Steven Toth
Steven Toth

Have you seen any of the other teams/stadiums home run sculptures? By far Miami's is the best and Red Grooms is a well known artist whom built the sculpture. I believe it was also funded through the art in public places for Miami. I would say it is better than any Lebo out there.

Joe LaDuca
Joe LaDuca

Marlins have sold a total of 5000 season tickets for their new stadium.. They are irrelevant.

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