Ten Things Miami's Terrible Drivers Need to Learn
Miami is notorious for its bad drivers. We know that it would be futile to try and teach you (yes, you) about things like the "speed limit" and that there is a difference between a yellow light and a freshly turned green light, but we figured someone should at least give you assholes a bit of a refresher course. Perhaps you've merely forgotten some things since you took your driver's license test (assuming you ever did take one), so here, have a quick refresher course.
1. You have something on the side of your steering wheel that looks like this:
It's called a turning signal switch. When activated, it will make lights on either side of your car blink like this:
You activate these "blinkers" as they're called to inform your fellow motorists of your intention to change lanes or make a turn. Sure, we understand sometimes it may seem silly, like when you're in a clearly marked turning lane, but they do come in handy for things like four-way stops, changing lanes on the interstate, and when you're speeding through a yellow light like a bat out of hell while making a left turn. Try to at least familiarize yourself with them.
Let this dog be your guide:
2. That arrangement of white stripes painted on the road is a crosswalk. That yellow diamond is a yield sign.
If you see a person walking through one of these as you are about to drive through, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STOP AND LET THEM PASS. This does not mean speed up in order to beat the pedestrian before he enters your lane (we have seen this a few times when people literally in wheelchairs and walkers are crossing roads). This does not mean honk at or flip off the pedestrian. This does not mean completely ignore it. This means stop your car and avoid hitting another human being.