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San Antonio Hits NBA Finals Record 16 Threes, Punishes Miami 113-77

Categories: Sports

2013-06-12T034604Z_1924422615_TB3E96C0AGKVF_RTRMADP_3_NBA-FINALS.JPG
The good news is the Miami Heat took advantage of a little known NBA rule that states you can only lose once a night. The bad news is we have to play with footballs the rest of the series because the San Antonio Spurs shoved all the basketballs up the Miami Heat's collective asses in Game Three. Behind a murderous barrage of threes, an NBA Finals record 16 in total, the Spurs gave it to the Heat double Kangaroo backdoor Mailman style, 113-77.

If you missed the game and are relying on this next paragraph to help you understand just how the Spurs handed the Heat a fruit basket full of their own taints Tuesday night, boy are you in for some fuckery! Danny Green and something called a "Gary Neal" combined to hit 13 threes on the way to 51 points on a night where they were serving the never ending gobstopper three-point dong to all the Heats. When Tony Parker is held to six points and you still lose by 36, there is a problem.

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Beyond the Green-Neal Indian burn last night, Kawhi Leonard going 14 and 12, LeBron having four points until late in the game, and the Spurs fans mocking the AAA "Seven Nation Army" chant -- everything went great for Miami. Mario Chalmers following up a terrific game with ZERO points and four ugly turnovers doesn't come close to making the Mount Rushmore of fuck-my-life things this game brought into Heat fan's life Tuesday.

If the NBA changes the rules mid-series and the games are only eight minutes long from here on out, Dwyane Wade has a shot at Finals MVP. Wade led the team with 16 points, and proceeded to give back about 38 of those points on defense. Constantly helping on defense and being lazy getting back, or giving a lackluster effort chasing his man around screen, whatever the case Dwyane Wade was absolutely miserable on defense. At times you can't even be sure it's Wade's man hitting the shot because he is so completely beaten or out of position. Wade is capable of MUCH better, and recently said his knee actually feels better on defense, so your guess is as good as mine as to what that whole deal is.


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6 comments
Patrick Garcia
Patrick Garcia

It's all rigged until the last game. Everyone should know this.

Exiliado
Exiliado topcommenter

The spurs returned the humiliation from game 2, plus interests.

Hopefully the Heat will get back on their feet and kick arse the next 2 games.

Hvt Rob
Hvt Rob

don't all of you go getting all butt-hurt over this loss. Sure it was an epic ass kicking but it doesn't mean we're going to lose this thing. Heat in 6, watch.

oswaldo.gutierrez11
oswaldo.gutierrez11

Clearly this "journalist" wants to start some sort of panic. If you honestly think for a second the spurs are going to have anything near that kind of offensive performance you are surely mistaken. Heat taking the next two in a row so all you panic freaks can shut the hell up. Go Heat!

J Leal Angel
J Leal Angel

No, Miami New Times...i know the "journalists" in your "office" are foamin at the mouth with this loss but we're not at paper bag status, sorry. Heat still contend....next year.

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