Spurs Outlast Heat 92-88, Steal Home-Court Advantage

Categories: Sports

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Tony Parker flailed, fell, right hand yellow, left leg red, got back up and hit a shot with 5.2 seconds left to seal a Game One, 92-88 San Antonio Spurs win. Parker was a menace all game long for Miami, finishing with 21 points and 6 assists. Tim Duncan merp derp'd his way to 20 points and 14 rebounds after starting 0-5 from the field and picking up two 1st quarter fouls. Danny Green hit four threes and finished with 12. I hate everything.

LeBron James filled the stat sheet, recording his 10th career Playoff triple-double finishing with 18 points, 18 rebounds, and 10 assists, but finished just 7-16 from the field. Dwyane Wade started off sizzling. Cutting, jabbing, and slicing to the basket in the first half like the Wade of old, but then went scoreless in the fourth quarter on a night where his scoring was needed more than ever with LeBron facilitating.

The Heat led most of the way, then the Spurs reached in their pants, pulled out their massive experience, and dropped it on the table like whoa. Even when the Heat crept close to a double digit lead, the Spurs had none of the symptoms of a dirty pants panic attack. Slowly, methodically, and if you're a Heat fan down right terrifyingly, they make the right play and all the sudden you're losing -- it's the shittiest most boring magic trick ever, but it works.

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Seeing a game with just 24 combined fouls looks extremely odd after watching the Heat and Pacers dry hump each other to tune of 50 plus fouls every other night. At one point late in the second half, Miami had taken just one free throw. For those of you at home wording if one free throw in a half is good, no, no it is not good -- it's infinity what-the-shit-Miami not good. LeBron's stat line looks terrific, and if anyone else could possibly not shoot the ball like they have to take a massive dump, it might work. They can't. And it won't. LeBron doesn't need to learn the "what happens when I take perimeter shots and see what other guys can do" lesson again, the Mavericks taught that class two years ago -- the Miami Heat need LeBron James to play to HIS averages more than they need him to play to Rajon Rondo's.

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In the next few days you are bound to hear all kinds of ridiculous shit. Bottom line is the Heat lost the first game both times they won an NBA Championship and won the first game the year they lost, which means nothing, because it means nothing you see. This Heat team's one downfall might be they have this "feeling out process:" Lost Game One to the Bulls. Should have lost Game One to the Pacers. Lose Game One to the Spurs. It's weird, kind of like Floyd Mayweather getting a feel for his opponent before he completely figures him out and picks him apart the rest of the fight. The Heat bounce back like no other basketball team I've ever seen, they haven't lost back to back games since January!

Game Two is Sunday because the teams have to travel to, wait, they don't have to travel anywhere the NBA just hates you and wants you to get fired from your job. The Heat and its fans have all weekend to stew over this shit hoagie of a game. The last thing you want to do is go to San Antonio down 0-2, so Sunday is possibly the biggest Heat game of the Big 3 era. No pressure though, bros.

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