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Bro, Miami Not Named One of America's Best Cities for Bros, Bro

Categories: Survey Says

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Further emphasizing the fact that there's a difference between how Miamians use the word "bro," and how the rest of the country uses the term, Real Estate site Estately ranked "the 18 best U.S. cities for Bros." Miami wasn't even on it, bro.

While our cultural cousins LA and Las Vegas made the list, Florida was represented solely by Orlando and Gainesville.

How did Miami miss out on the list? Let's looks at their criteria.

  • "Cities with large college student bodies" - Well, technically Miami Dade College is the biggest college in America, plus we've got University of Miami, FIU, Barry and a few others in town.
  • "Reputations for partying" - Duh.
  • "High cost of living" - Higher than average at least.
  • "famous local bros" - Pitbull and Wilmer Valderamma were born here. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson went to college here. These guys are like the high gods of Bro-dom. Every bro wants to hit the gym hard like the Rock, party hard like Pitbull and pick up young chicks who are slightly out of their league in a way that skeeves everyone out like Wilmer. What more could you want out of local bro icons?
  • "NCAA ranked lacrosse teams" - Maybe this is where things start to fall apart, because what the fuck even is lacrosse? Does jai alai count?
  • "high numbers of white males" - Woah, woah, woah! Like "technically I check 'caucasian' on the census too" white or like "I am enthusiastic about golf and have a lot of entitlement" white? This is just racist, bro. Bro-dom transcends all racial and ethnic social constructs, bro.

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11 comments
Jerry
Jerry

Fine with me, would rather not be known as a haven for that trash

John Wilson
John Wilson

does Kendall count as a city? if so, Kendall would most definitely be the bro haven

Phil Ramirez
Phil Ramirez

Miami is a cluster, comprised by cheap copies of everywhere else.

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