The storm formerly known as Dorian looks less likely to ruin your life but hey, you never know. Hurricane season is upon us, so you darn well better be ready for everything from a temporary power outage to a Sharknado. From the minute a storm jumps off Africa and starts soaking up that warm water HGH, we start having to pay attention. The price we pay to live in paradise is that there is always the off-chance a storm named Jennifer will come put your entire life in a washing machine.
Every year around this time "Hurricane Survial Lists" including your same basic necessities will pop up at places like Publix, but most of them are outdated and down right assumed at this point. If I have to tell you that you may want to have some extra bottled water or batteries on hand this time of year then this is more likely than not your first rodeo. Here are a few things that your hurricane guide forget to remind you about. Things that only a true native veteran of hurricane season knows to prepare for.
Liquor before beer, you're in the clear
Pop quiz Hot Shot, you want to get your Hurricane party drink on, but you have no power and your beer is warm, what do you do? What do YOU do? You make sure you have the hard stuff on hand, THAT's what you do. Liquor doesn't need no stinkin' refrigeration, you know why? Because it's awesome, that's why. Unlike it's diva cousin beer, liquor scoffs at the need to be chilled because liquor is an independent woman and can support her damn self. Surviving a prolonged power outage separates the men from the boys, so make sure you prepare like a man and don't get stuck drinking warm super-duper-secret craft beer just because you failed to think this thing through. If you need a mixer make sure to remember to buy canned juices that don't need to be refrigerated prior to opening, or maybe just do shots and stop being such a child.
Every survival list tells you to have a first-aid kit but none of them remind you about condoms because condoms imply sex and talking about sex is taboo in the underground world of survival kit list making. Sex doesn't normally require batteries, but if your real FREAKY naughty sex does you're just going to have to dumb it down the next few days and have sex like the rest of us. You ain't got no job to go to, shit is hitting the fan outside, and there are lit candles everywhere, it's a cornucopia of reasons to get it on -- unfortunately pregnancy never sleeps. We have already established you are going to have ample amounts of liquor and fruit laying around, so stuff could get really weird really fast, make sure when it comes to protection during a Hurricane you're like LeBron James, you ain't got no worries.