Eight Types of Dolphins Fans

Categories: Sports

dolphins.jpg

With the 2013 Miami Dolphins football season nearing, fans of all shapes, sizes, and attitudes are readying themselves for the return of the NFL. Some of us are 75 years old and lived through a time when this franchise was second to none. Others are in our mid-30s and for the vast majority of those years have been repeatedly kicked in the junk by this team. A bunch of Dolphins fans preparing for high school never once saw Dan Marino play.

No two Dolphins fans are the same -- like a snowflake! (No, not the Dolphin mascot "Snowflake" from Ace Ventura, an actual snowflake.) While none of us may be exactly the same, there is a kind of grouping or species identification system we can use as a reference to find our own in the wild. Below are just a few of the varieties of Dolphins fan.

Indifferent Dolphins Fan
Indifferent Dolphins fan is indifferent. This fan is just as close to painting his face as he is to putting a paper bag over it, which is to say he is not very close at all to doing either of these things because that would require giving a shit. Indifferent Dolphins fan watches the games at this point only out of pure habit and still wears a Daunte Culpepper jersey as a sign of the last time he even remotely cared. There is zero chance indifferent Dolphins fan ever attends a game in person, because indifferent Dolphins fan spends as little money as possible on his Dolphins fan indifference, which is why he is normally seen holding a Bud Light can. Indifferent Dolphins fan is the goth of the Dolphins fan community. Screw the conformists!

The Historian
1972. Larry Csonka. Mercury Morris. THE KILLER B'S! Over and over and over! Hey, Al Bundy, we have heard about your four-touchdown game at Polk High every year at this time since Woodstock -- we get it. There are Dolphins fans who were wearing diapers the last time this team won a championship who are now just a few more rebuilding years away from wearing diapers once again. On the positive side, no one has more pride in the team than the Historian. On the negative side, the Historian has grandchildren who are sick of losing. The worst part about the Historian is how freaking jelly we are of him. That, and the fact that he has gray noise hair and smells like Drakkar Noir, but mostly because we are jealous he actually saw this team win -- even if it was in black-and-white. The Historian once got wasted with Kim Bokamper and remembers when Don Shula was the Erik Spoelstra of the NFL.


My Voice Nation Help
35 comments
Louis Wing
Louis Wing

This is spot on, except they didn't have a "Fairweather Fan" or a "Leaving after 3rd Quarter Fan" - both of whom are true Dolphin fan types.

Austin Heffernan
Austin Heffernan

This is confusing. The title of the article says 8 but the url of the article says 10. #WhichOneIsIt #WhosCounting

DolfanMitch Rulz
DolfanMitch Rulz

I'm only worried about one type .. the ones that don't give up.

Erik Swagerty
Erik Swagerty

I prefer not to pay attention. They never fail to disappoint.

Bruce Bradshaw
Bruce Bradshaw

well they should be readying themselves for job interviews in the off season. many of the player on the team will not be there next season

Karolyn Minger
Karolyn Minger

Worst article ever. Right in synch with "best soups in Miami"

Gabriel Geronimo Pedraza
Gabriel Geronimo Pedraza

Don't forget the idiots that wear the full uniform or pain themselves trying hard to make Aqua and Orange intimidating.

Richard Vallejo
Richard Vallejo

awready we will go to the super bowl this yr go phins

Dan Supertramp
Dan Supertramp

When people ask me who my favorite team is, I say, "The Dolphins...unfortunately." Most laugh. Some thoughtful ones mention how we're actually improving recently. It's true. I'm an indifferent fan anyway and keeping up with one team is really enough for me. I do not do those 12 hour football days. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Josh Colletta
Josh Colletta

It'll happen eventually. I'm not certain it'll happen in my LIFETIME, but eventually.

Dante Rahdar
Dante Rahdar

Yes. It will happen. In my 29 years of life they have been all manner of putrid and phenomenal. The NFL is cyclical. I have faith.

Phil Ramirez
Phil Ramirez

After the most recent management?! After Sparano & Henny?!?! THERE WAS NO NEED TO GET TO THIS POINT... Seriously!!

marshallh.hembree
marshallh.hembree

like Martin said I'm blown away that you able to profit $7364 in 1 month on the internet. did you look at this webpage   work25

Will Wright
Will Wright

Being a fin fan is like having an ugly baby....u tell everyone it's pretty and has potential and is so smart, but deep down u kno ur baby is ugly and stupid and has no hope

John Pearson
John Pearson

If the NFL keeps pussifying the game, I'm be at the beach every Sunday.

Steven Flaxman
Steven Flaxman

They forgot the Hater fan. Starts booing in the first quarter because we decide to punt on 4th and 6 on our own 32 instead of going for it. He also wont stop bitching to his friends about how we suck because we never throw deep while spilling his bud light on the lady next to him

Daniel Andrew Gonzalez
Daniel Andrew Gonzalez

Jonathan Stryker lmao none fits me to the tee, but I'm definitely closest to the coach. I feel like I'm part zombie and historian (for a young guy).

Brian Parent
Brian Parent

Nima, she's a girl.. here opinion honestly doesn't hold any value in this kind of argument

Cary Gonzalez
Cary Gonzalez

Nima, would your employer support you even if you did a crappy job day after day and year after year? Would you support an employee who failed over and over? Didn't think so.

Diego Bohorquez
Diego Bohorquez

in all fan bases you will have all these type of fans.. the difference is that any other city seems to have better have fans than Miami. lol

Nima Tahmassebi
Nima Tahmassebi

I'm a diehard Fins fan who hasn't been alive long enough to see us reach much success. I will say that it's fair weather fans like Cary that drive me nuts though. That exact attitude is why Miami sports fans get a bad rap. You stick with your teams through thick and thin and represent your city regardless of a given team's record; that's what defines a solid fan base.

Cary Gonzalez
Cary Gonzalez

None of the above. I'm a fair weather fan in any sport, I don't support failures. I became a Heat fan during the playoffs, sue me.

whitehouse242000
whitehouse242000 topcommenter

@Steven Flaxman You just described a Coach/Jaded combo....there are mixtures...but these were the 8 main species in my opinion.

Now Trending

Around The Web

From the Vault

 

Loading...